Love Is Allowing Yourself To Feel

Originally posted on 28.06.12:

“We must not numb our pain.

When in sorrow, sorrow.

When in anger, anger.

FEEL IT.

It’s the only way to go through it.” Paul said to me, as we were discussing the problem of alcoholism in Finland.

His main language is Finnish. So when he speaks in English, it’s very simple. But I get it. And I love it. It comes out sounding like a poem.

Paul is saying we must go through the process of whatever it is we’re feeling. So when we’re in sorrow, then allow ourselves to be in sorrow.

Having spent many years working in a rehab for alcoholics in Helsinki, he’s seen how desperately people try to numb their pain, instead of dealing with the root of that pain. In the end, the only thing they create is a bigger mess, ruining their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.

…I feel like I can relate to them.

For over a decade, I’ve tried to numb my pain through many ways.

It has led to many addictions that can be a whole blog post by itself.

The past one year and a half, I’ve been learning that there are better, healthier and more effective ways to deal with pain. Today, I’m just going to focus on one: Giving yourself permission to feel what you feel.

I’ve been having a hard time processing my feelings the last couple of days / weeks / months. Here I am, learning about love and sharing what I learn on The Love Culture. But I am highly aware, too, that these whole other spectrum of “dark” emotions are well and alive and brewing in me.

Anger

Grief

Disappointment

Resentment

Bitterness

Unforgiveness

Fear

They’re not there all the time. At least not on the surface. But when it’s triggered, the rawness of the pain and the way I crumble, surprises me.

Seeing the way that I am when I’m in pain–and being made aware that I’m not much different from the person causing me pain when I’m hurt–just left me feeling absolutely lost in my own darkness. 

And then someone comes my way today, to remind me of my goodness and help me see the Light, within and without. I feel loved, supported and cared for. And it’s bringing me release. Which got me wondering…

Could this be the reason why we hold on to our hurt?

Is it a cry to be loved?

I believe the answer is, Yes.

This question and answer have, in the past, allowed me to let go of the need for justice or to set things right–at least, not in the heat of the moment. Understanding that both the perpetrator of pain and the one in pain is both crying out for the same thing–to be loved–frees me to open up my hands to receive the Love that I need from God, others and myself, to heal, instead of keeping it clenched in a fist of fury, ready to retaliate.

But this time around, I’m feeling conflicted.

Here I am, talking about love and compassion on The Love Culture, but I wasn’t feeling very loving or compassionate at the moment towards the source of my pain. I felt disgusted instead. And I felt bad for feeling this.

Then a friend comes along and gives me this reassurance:

“Dont ever be afraid to feel “negative” feelings.

They are just signals, not the be-alls and end-alls.

In the great silence of which you understand, there is the unfolding of His greatness and love, which can NEVER be taken away by our feelings.” – TW

I felt grateful for this reminder.

His permission (yes, we don’t need ‘permission’ so to speak, but when we’re stuck and unable to move, it helps to have someone say “IT’S OKAY, GO AHEAD”) to feel without condemnation, allowed me to navigate my way through this, by trying to understand,

“What are my “negative” feelings signalling?”

That I need Healing.

That I need more Love.

Both of which I can choose to receive in prayer, even in this time of pain.

What is your pain telling you? What are your “negative” feelings signalling? May your permission to feel, and your courage to face your darkness, give you the Understanding to Love and Be Loved.

Love,

Mish

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Like the sun, sky and clouds, Love has always been there for you–though you have it not in your hands.

**This is a REPOST of my blog on 26th December.**

I just got back from a two week Silent Retreat in Chiang Mai, Thailand–the land of the Flying Lanterns.

It has been an epic Spiritual Journey through the inner labyrinth of my being, with many twists and turns that led to the centre of my soul.

I faced my Fear of Fears and the two monsters from the land of Me-Me-Me and Perfectionism. Instead of running away, this time, I said hello and embraced them openly. I saw the sadness and emptiness in their eyes.

All they wanted was Love. All they needed to know, is that despite how unlovable they seem to appear to be, at all times, they are Loved.

All along, the lonely Me-Me-Me “monster” belonged in the land of We.

All along, the Perfectionism “monster” just needed a pair of new eyes, made in love and of love, to see I’m Perfect in the word Imperfect.

And so, I learnt and am learning still, to tame my inner fiery dragon by befriending the beast within. To kiss my inner frog and not to be afraid of my own shadows. All along, we are a bit of darkness, a bit of light.

‎~

On the last day of the Silent Retreat, after breakfast, on the way to the laundry to collect my clothes, I stopped at every path where the sun shone, to catch the sunlight. Off the path, I spotted a burst of sun rays gleaming through the trees of the labyrinth. It was a detour, but I headed straight in its direction, breathing in the sun and exhaling to see my breath, like a puff of smoke, evaporating in the chilly cool morning air.

Like a child, I went about catching sunlight with my hair, my skin, my eyes.

Then, all of a sudden, this Question came to me like a poem: Can you catch the sunlight? Can you slice a sky? Can you bottle up a cloud?

It is there, for you, though you have it not in your hands.

So why must you hold Love in your hands to believe you have Love? 

This stopped me right in my tracks. I was aware I was being gifted with another Lesson, in Love. And as I pondered it, a smile broke across my face. My Teacher was still with me, loving me with another gift of Truth.

To drive home the lesson, after collecting my pile of clothes, halfway back to my room and stopping to admire the Donggol Bird up on the tree with Jacqui, with the clean clothes still piled all over my left arm…

…I looked down at both my hands and saw that I wasn’t holding my pouch with the alarm clock! I forgot to bring a watch to the retreat. So I borrowed an alarm clock from someone and placed it in the pouch, that was loaned to us by the spirituality centre. I cannot afford to lose them both! Plus, I needed the clock to keep time so I won’t be late for our gatherings!

So I half-ran back to the laundry room to look for it, but it wasn’t there. Raced to the dining hall’s table where I had breakfast, but it wasn’t there. Desperate, I even went looking in the rubbish bin–but it wasn’t there!

My heart sank.

On the way back to my room, it occurred to me that I might have slung it on my left wrist. I looked beneath the piles and piles of clothes, sure enough, my pouch was right there! Hah! Lesson: What I thought was lost, what I went searching for, was always there with me–all along.

If, like me, you’ve been searching high and low for a Love that was lost and came back empty, perhaps it’s time to reconsider that maybe what you thought was lost, is still with you. That what want, is already yours.

We feel the need to hold, touch, and see Love in our hands to believe it’s real, as evidence that we’re loved. Could we begin to See through the Eyes of Faith that at all times, we are Loved?

Love comes in many ways and forms, and it begins by recognising first and foremost that Love is you, is yours, is within–and is with you.

Like the sun, sky and clouds–Love has always been there for you.

The process of waiting for the one, for two to become one, begins with enjoying your relationship with the One. It is how you can feel truly embraced within, with Love, even in moments of silence and solitude.

Much Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Like the sun, sky and clouds, Love has always been there for you–though you have it not in your hands.

I just got back from a two week Silent Retreat in Chiang Mai, Thailand–the land of the Flying Lanterns.

It has been an epic Spiritual Journey through the inner labyrinth of my being, with many twists and turns that led to the centre of my soul.

I faced my Fear of Fears and the two monsters from the land of Me-Me-Me and Perfectionism. Instead of running away, this time, I said hello and embraced them openly. I saw the sadness and emptiness in their eyes.

All they wanted was Love. All they needed to know, is that despite how unlovable they seem to appear to be, at all times, they are Loved.

All along, the lonely Me-Me-Me “monster” belonged in the land of We.

All along, the Perfectionism “monster” just needed a pair of new eyes, made in love and of love, to see I’m Perfect in the word Imperfect.

And so, I learnt and am learning still, to tame my inner fiery dragon by befriending the beast within. To kiss my inner frog and not to be afraid of my own shadows. All along, we are a bit of darkness, a bit of light. Half “angel”, half “devil”. And yet, through all the bad, our Creator sees so much good in us, and has so much Faith, Hope and Love in us, for us.

‎~

On the last day of the Silent Retreat, after breakfast, on the way to the laundry to collect my clothes, I stopped at every path where the sun shone, to catch the sunlight. Off the path, I spotted a burst of sun rays gleaming through the trees of the labyrinth. It was a detour, but I headed straight in its direction, breathing in the sun and exhaling to see my breath, like a puff of smoke, evaporating in the chilly cool morning air.

Like a child, I went about catching sunlight with my hair, my skin, my eyes.

Then, all of a sudden, this Question came to me like a poem: Can you catch the sunlight? Can you slice a sky? Can you bottle up a cloud?

It is there, for you, though you have it not in your hands.

So why must you hold Love in your hands to believe you have Love? 

This stopped me right in my tracks. I was aware I was being gifted with another Lesson, in Love. And as I pondered it, a smile broke across my face. My Teacher was still with me, loving me with another gift of Truth.

To drive home the lesson, after collecting my pile of clothes, halfway back to my room and stopping to admire the Donggol Bird up on the tree with Jacqui, with the clean clothes still piled all over my left arm…

…I looked down at both my hands and saw that I wasn’t holding my pouch with the alarm clock! I forgot to bring a watch to the retreat.

So I half ran back to the laundry to look for it, but it wasn’t there. Went back to the dining hall’s table where I had breakfast, but it wasn’t there. Desperate, I even went looking into the rubbish bin–and it wasn’t there!

My heart sank.

On the way back to my room, it occurred to me that I might have slung it on my left wrist. I looked beneath the piles and piles of clothes, sure enough, my pouch was right there! Hah! Lesson: What I thought was lost, what I went searching for, was always there with me–all along.

And so today, I share this little piece of my journey with you, as a reminder that LOVE is with you. Immanuel is with You. Always will be.

If, like me, you’ve been searching for Love in all the wrong places and came back empty, may this serve as a reminder that what you thought was lost or have been looking for, has always been with you, is yours.

Many a times, we feel the need to hold, touch, and see it in our hands to believe it’s real.“Blessed are you who have not seen, and yet believed.”

Have Faith. Have Hope. That LOVE transcends the form of a boy-girl relationship. If you are not in a relationship right now, it doesn’t mean you are not loved or lovable. Our whole purpose on earth is to Be Love and to Be Loved. Love comes in many ways and forms, and it begins by recognising first and foremost that Love is you, is yours–and is with you.

Like the sun, sky and clouds–Love has always been there for you.

The process of waiting for the one, for two to become one, begins with enjoying your relationship with the One. It is how you can feel truly embraced within, with Love, even in moments of silence and solitude.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture