“Come out of hiding… If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.” – Brennan Manning

“It is one thing to feel loved… when our life is together and all our support systems are in place. Then self-acceptance is relatively easy. We may even claim that we are coming to like ourselves. When we are strong, on top, in control, and as the Celts say, “in fine form,” a sense of security crystallizes.

But what happens when life falls through the cracks? What happens when we… fail, when our dreams shatter, when our investments crash, when we are regarded with suspicion?

What happens when we come face-to-face with the human condition?

Ask anyone who has gone through a separation or divorce. Are they together now? Is their sense of security intact? Do they have a strong sense of self-worth? Do they still feel like the beloved child?

“This [brokenness] is what what needs to be accepted.
Unfortunately, this is what we tend to reject.

Here the seeds of corrosive self-hatred take root. This painful vulnerability is the characteristic feature of our humanity that most needs to be embraced in order to restore our human condition to a healed state…” – Nicholas Harnan

…Yet as soon as we lose our nerve about ourselves, we take cover. Adam and Eve hid, and we all, in one way or another, have used them as role models. Why? Because we do not like what we see. It is uncomfortable–intolerable–to confront our true selves…

“And so… we either flee our own reality or manufacture a false self which is mostly admirable, mildly prepossessing, and superficially happy. We hide what we know or feel ourselves to be (which we assume to be unacceptable and unlovable) behind some kind of appearance which we hope will be more pleasing. We hide behind pretty faces which we put on for the benefit of our public. And in time we may even come to forget that we are hiding, and think that our assumed pretty face is what we really look like.” – Simon Tugwell

…come out of hiding. No amount of spiritual makeup can render us more presentable…

“Over the years I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection.

Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection.

When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions.

The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned,I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.”… [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned.

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” – Henri Nouwen.

…To feel safe is to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart and feel liked and accepted… not having to hide anymore and distract myself… no need to impress or dazzle others or draw attention to myself, a new way of being in the world… calm, unafraid, no anxiety and what’s going to happen next… loved and valued… just being together as an end in itself.

…If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others. We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past when what we should do is let go.” – Chapter 1, ‘Come Out Of Hiding’, Abba’s Child, by Brennan Manning. 

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

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Can Rejection be your Protection? Yes!

By Maddisen K. Krown on Huffingtonpost.com: “Let’s face it, for most of us, whether we get rejected in love, friendship, in work, or wherever, rejection feels awful.

Rejection tends to turn us inward in a negative way — causing us to feel unworthy, flawed, not good enough, unlovable, frustrated, confused, angry, sad, etc. — which can get us painfully bogged down in paralyzing self criticism.

But if we believe, as I do, that all experiences in life directly support our learning, growth and upliftment — then rejection must also be a path for our learning, growth and upliftment.

So, if you experience rejection, the first question to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism and suffering is: How is this rejection protecting me? Further, how is this rejection serving my wellbeing and happiness? How is this rejection helping me to learn, grow and become happier in my life going forward?

The Reward of Rejection
Here’s a story that exemplifies this perfectly. I worked with a female client who was dating a guy she liked very much. She still wanted time to get to know him more, but was sensing the potential for a deep and long-term relationship. Early in their dating, they both agreed to cancel their online dating subscriptions and to be exclusive — so that they could focus on getting to know each other built on a solid foundation of loyalty, honesty and trust.

Several months into dating, she found out through a mutual friend that he was back online on the dating site, but hadn’t told her. She confronted him, he openly admitted he was back online looking, confessed he wasn’t sure he was ready to commit, and asked for some time apart to get clarity on what he really wanted.

My client deduced that essentially he was breaking up with her, and she felt rejected and sad. And as we worked together, I could see that she was starting to spiral down into questions of why and why her, and down, down, down into that suffering and muddy place of feeling unworthy, unlovable, flawed, self critical, etc.

At that point, I asked her how this perceived rejection might actually be a way that her higher self was protecting her. At first, she shared how his actions were dishonest and disloyal. I asked how his actions might be a mirror to inform how she was treating herself, and how she might be being dishonest and disloyal to herself in that relationship. And then, I could see the light go on in her teary eyes. The truth she realized was this: she was not really certain about him either, or happy with some of his core qualities and values, but continued to date him anyway because of the pleasant companionship and qualities she did enjoy about him. So in essence, she realized she was settling, and not being honest with herself about what she was truly and fully wanting but not getting, and was therefore not being loyal to herself by staying in a relationship that truly was not satisfying or aligning with her deepest values and desires. By the end of the session, she clearly understood how his rejection was truly her higher self’s way of informing and protecting her, and saw that this fellow was not her match.

This is not to say that she did not feel some sadness and loneliness after this loss of her former companion. She did feel sad, and really missed his company for a while. But with my coaching support and her keen awareness and desire to grow into more fulfillment and happiness, she knew it was healthy to feel these emotions, accept them, and trust that the dynamic and positive nature of her life and goals would move her forward into something even better next time. It became real for her that she was more aware, wiser and feeling a deeper sense of contentment as a result of this experience, which was disguised as rejection — because she was being honest with herself and loyal to her core values and heartfelt desires. Perhaps she needed the experience to build a more solid foundation of loyalty, honesty and trust within herself.

Ask yourself — How Is Rejection Protecting Me?
From this day forward, if you experience rejection, the first question to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism, and suffering is: How is this rejection protecting me? Further, how is this rejection mirroring and informing how I might be rejecting myself and my needs? How is this rejection serving my wellbeing and happiness? How is this rejection helping me to learn, grow, and become happier in my life going forward?”

“Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” — Henri Nouwen

There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself. — James Lee Burke

I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me. — Oprah Winfrey

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

For more by Maddisen K. Krown click here.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture