Hey Love, are you Patient with You?

It’s funny (and I love it) how time and time again, I am reminded that the very thing you teach, is the very thing you need to learn.

On Sunday, a beautiful young lady was sharing her heart out with me and we got to the topic of Self-Love.

I listened to her idea of Self-Love and suggested for her to check out 1st Corinthians 13. “Love is Patient, Love is Kind.”

Are you Patient, with You? Are you Kind, to You?

When we are patient with ourselves, we are kind to ourselves.

How we are with ourselves, is how we are with others.

That’s why learning and practising Self-love is important.

Last night, a good friend of mine was smiling kindly when he asked, “Are you a Patient person?”

I came up with all my answers and reasoning, the flipside of Patience and Impatience, how each virtue has its Pros and Cons. I concluded that I’m working on it, and that compared to last time, my level of Patience with myself and others, has increased so much more.

So he got specific, “In a scale of 1 to 10, how Patient do you think you are?”

I said 5.

“There you go… Ask any of your trusted friends. Would they describe you as Patient? You need to be Patient for what you want to do…”

Good reminder.

But at first Fear does what it does best, freaks out, and asks, “Does that mean I cannot do what I want to do, since it’s not in my nature and I’m not PATIENT ENOUGH?”

I listened to my Fear, and allowed it to Inform me.

Love picks up from there, and says, “It’s good you’re Aware of what you need. All of us have different strengths, and different area of struggles. You CAN do what you want to do. Keep GROWING and cultivating Patience, that’s all. 

Sounds like a good deal.

Looking back at past relationships, the ONE quality that stands out to me in a Loved One is Patience. They never speak about patience or announce that they are being patient. They don’t even ask of it, from me. They just exude patience, and show it in the way they are with me—the best way they can, for as long as they can, before they hit their human limitations.

I love how GENTLE they are, when they point out something I need to pay attention to. For me, a sure sign someone is Patient with you, is how Gentle they are with you.

It leaves a lasting impression, long after that moment has passed or when they’re gone. This lasting quality is LOVE in action. It feels warm and gentle to your soul.

It feels LOVING.

You feel LOVED.

It’s true what Maya Angelou says. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Last night, though the question, “Are you a Patient person?” made me uncomfortable at first, the way it was being asked felt gentle, felt loving, in the end.

That’s Patience, in action.

Being reminded that PATIENCE always feels good in the end, makes it worth the effort of practising Patience, though it’s not easy, initially.

It gets easier with practice.

And I have a feeling, it gets easier and easier because you’re reminded more and more that being PATIENT with yourself and others feels good.

It feels really good.

And you know, as an encouragement to others who are more hot-blooded like I am (LOL!), they say that what you admire in others, already exists in you.

You can’t possibly see and admire something in others, when you don’t already have it within yourself. We see others, as we are.

The idea is to really dig in, and find a way to unearth that quality you admire in others, that’s already hidden within you.

It takes Patience, but You’re worth it.

“Have patience with all things, but first of all, yourself.” – St. Francis de Sales 




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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“Muddy Water, Let Stand, Becomes Clear.” – Lao Tzu

“A group of friends went swimming one day and one of them lost a ring in the bottom of the lake.

Everyone started diving from different directions to find it until there was so much mud and sand stirred up that no one could see anything. 

Finally, they decided to clear the water. They waited silently on the edge of the shore for the mud from all their activity to settle. 

When it finally cleared, one person dove in slowly and picked up the ring.

When we are confused about something in our lives, we will often hear answers and advice from all directions. Our friends will tell us one thing and our families another, until we feel pretty well mixed up. 

If we look away from our problem and let patience and time do their work, the mud inside us will settle and clear. 

Our answer will become visible, like the glimmer of silver in the water.” – Today’s Gift by Anonymous.

“Muddy Water,

Let Stand,

Becomes Clear.”

– Lao Tzu


Shot this picture of a beautiful lake, in Hangzhou,China.  January 2014.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Living, Loving The Question

Can you tend to your questions like a green bean experiment?

Lay it out on soft cottons of patience? Watering it daily with hope and prayers, while allowing it plenty of room to breathe, even as you invite the Light of the Answer to shine on your seed? 

Or do you—like I used to do and sometimes still do—drown the question in a flood of noise and bury it deeper still, beneath the layers of fear?

On the flight back home from my 3rd Silent Retreat in the land of the flying lanterns, I took out a pen and wrote across the palm of my hand,

Living, Loving The Question.

It’s a reminder to me, even as I’m growing to appreciate the value of living the question. Going a step further, these days I actually hug the question to sleep, so I can hear the heart behind the hitting questions.

 “Notice what you notice” as we recently learned in the retreat, from Sheila Pritchard, author of ‘The Lost Art of Meditation’.

From one leaping squirrel of thought to the next tree of contemplation.

To a butterfly of questions fleeting quietly by, in ones, twos or threes.

Over and over again, I am learning, the answers are within the questions.

To place this little reflection into a firmer context, I want to share a little something I wrote to my friend a month back, but is still just as relevant:

All is not well in my world…
and yet, it is well. A paradox.

Several monsters came crashing into my world, all at the same time. Took a while to wrap my head and heart around it all.

I’ve not met someone who preys on human kindness before–but now that I have… I have no words to describe how I feel at the moment.

(But then I go on to describe those feelings as best as I can.)

At first it was shocking, then disgusting, and then disappointing, followed by anger. But then later, a sickening sense of fear took over. Now, it’s just kinda sad that a person would go through so much manipulation and deception to spin a web of lies to get what could’ve been given freely.

Before I was done dealing with that monster, another old one reared its ugly head. (This monster, is even more disturbing than the first!) I was really in the dark… as to what should / could be done about it all.

As I was seeking for Direction, one morning, the answer came in a familiar question.

“What would Love do?”

This time, I’m feeling so much resistance to this question.

“What Love would do?” is the hardest thing to do of all.

And yet, it is also the easiest.

It requires no force, no resistance, “no doing” in the sense that nothing can be done that has not been done… it only requires a new level of surrender… to what has to Be.

And what has to Be, will not be pleasant or easy.

Confronting the truth and reality of things rarely is.

But I read something today that is so apt and true.

“This interior integration and healing of the soul is our aim. But it can’t happen if we avoid the pain and tensions within us. Once, when my counselor and I were discussing Joseph Campbell’s captivating dictum “Follow your bliss,” he commented, “It may be just as important to follow your agony.”

Perhaps we can’t find our real bliss until we begin to confront our agony.” – Sue Monk Kidd

Follow your agony.
What would Love do.

Kind of the same thing.

End of cut and paste. Now I will add to that,

Living, Loving The Question.

It’s kind of the same thing, isn’t it?

To live and wait with the question can be an agonising experience, but as we Let Go and Let God, allow plenty of Son-Light in, growing stronger in Faith, Hope and Love, we’ll begin to realise it’s the loving thing to do.

Fear works the opposite. It drives you to kill the questions that were meant to be the seeds for growth.

Love on the other hand, sees the questions through and allows it to live and find its way into the light. Quietly, expectantly, hope-fully.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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PATIENCE–A Lesson In Waiting, by The Ant In The Toiletbowl & Sue Monk Kidd

I just rescued an ant from the toiletbowl (cos I was about to use it! :p ) but I didn’t have the patience to wait for it to climb on to the tissue paper–so I grabbed it and placed it on the floor.

It lay motionless.

I nudged it with my nail and blew on it, and saw it move. But it was clearly injured from the strong grip of my finger earlier… :/

So as soon as I could, I brought it out to the warmth of the sun and tried to introduce it to the petals of a purple flower. It moved its antennas about and went round and round the tissue paper but refused to budge.

Again, I had not learnt my lesson from the toiletbowl. I thought I’d help the ant move along faster by placing him among friends, on the earth of another flower pot. I watched as another ant climbed on to the tissue that was now in its path and made contact with the ant I had placed there.

Instantly, the injured ant withdrew in fright  to a higher ground on the folds of the tissue, but the new ant tracked it down quickly and lifted it up! I kept watching and saw that its new ‘friends’ were actually bigger in size, though they looked the same from afar. As the ant I had rescued continued waving its legs about, its ‘rescuer’ carted it off–out of sight!

I felt disturbed. If only I had more patience, I wouldn’t have injured the ant. If I left the ant alone, it could’ve recovered on its own. Is it going to be okay? There are two possibilities (that I can think of)…

That the ant had been brought to an ant doctor, if there is such a thing. Or that the ant has been brought to a place where it will be buried alive, along with other ‘harmful things’ the ant colony deemed dangerous. :/

Whichever the outcome, the point is that, again and again, the virtue of ‘waiting’ has been brought to my attention and I really need to ‘LISTEN’.

Just yesterday, I had given my cousin a call to let her know I had already arrived where we were meant to meet up. “Arrrgh! I just woke up!” she replied and told me to wait an hour or so. “What am I going to do now?” I had reacted, very annoyed at her and the thought of having to wait.

Then I had remembered that I had wanted to visit a book store across the road. I wasn’t looking for any books in particular but my unplanned detour had led me to finding a gem of a book by an author, Sue Monk Kidd, whose name I recognised. She’s highly recommended by my Spiritual Directors. When I picked her book up, I laughed to myself.

The title of the book is called“When The Heart Waits”. And the first page of Chapter 1 quotes Rainer Maria Rilke, “Patience is everything.”

Just beautiful. And a timely reminder, that came to me as a result of waiting! I wonder what other precious moments like these will turn up when I’m ‘forced’ to wait the next time–I shall wait and see. 🙂

What have you been waiting for? Has there been a delay? Could it be a blessing in disguise? Have you–like myself–been a little impatient and tried to force it along faster? Impatience causes things to die before its time. Choose to wait it out and allow your dreams to take flight…

…just wait and see.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture