“Relationships never offer a guarantee. And they always require work. And therefore they don’t work for people who are not willing to work… without a guarantee.” – Leo Buscaglia

“Relationships never offer a guarantee. And they always require work.

And therefore they don’t work for people who are not willing to work.

And they don’t work for people who aren’t willing to work without a guarantee.

We’re always waiting for the right person to come along.

And we say that when they come along we will live happily ever after.

Doesn’t that make you wanna puke? I mean how old do we have to be before we realise that’s the most distractive myth? There’s no such thing as happily ever after anything.

And you’re waiting for the right person! I guarantee you’ll wait forever! There is no right person. You become the right person!” – Leo Buscaglia

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Keep It Real… in running and in loving. Learning how it actually works, can prevent damaging injuries. The better prepared we are, the longer we can last, the further we can go, the harder the challenges we can face and overcome.

Running is easy, right? Just run! Loving is easy right? Just love! Right. Keep thinking that… 

Recent research has shown that as many as 79% of runners get injured at least once during the year. Stop. Think about that number for a moment. Nearly 8 out of every 10 runners you see at your next race have been or will be injured sometime that year.” – runnersconnect.com

There is 1 divorce in Malaysia every 10 minutes13 divorces an hour in England and Wales in 2012, and so on and so forth. You get the picture.

We’re aware of these statistics, yet for some reason, we like to kid ourselves and think we’ll be the only exception and defy the odds.

This article by Jason Fitzgerald on 5 Running Blunders That Keep You Locked in the Injury Cycle paints a true picture of what happens when we approach running–and I’ll add LOVING–with this kind of mindset:

“Flash back ten years ago: I was tearing through 80 mile weeks as a cocky 19 year old. But disaster was right around the corner.

I really had no idea what I was doing. My college coach gave us flexibility with our mileage and I was running too much, too soon, too fast. The “little things” that help you stay healthy were an afterthought…

So I ran myself into the ground. I reached 90 miles per week and then was forced to recover (slowly) from IT band syndrome.

This was after chronic Achilles tendinopathy ruined my spring track season. Later that year I’d have a string of other injuries.

I was locked in the injury cycle and had no idea what to do. It was frustrating; I thought I was doing everything right…” – 5 Running Blunders That Keep You Locked in the Injury Cycle by Jason Fitzgerald

Doesn’t this sound familiar?

When it comes to Love, can we admit we actually have no idea what we are doing? We get the idea from Hollywood that we’re going to be okay. Our ego tells us we can handle it. Our friends tells us it should be like this and that. And the message that we get all around is that it’s all fun and games. So we get into relationships too much, too soon, too fast. We end up running ourselves into the ground. Get our hearts broken. Get better. Then get our hearts broken again. It’s a cycle of heartbreak and pain!

If you’re SANE enough to be frustrated from years of chronic heartbreaks and you’re ready for a change, now’s the time to learn.

I love how Jason’s reality check for runners, applies to us all, as lovers:

“I could be your cheerleader and tell you that running is all cuddles, kittens, and rainbows.

But it’s not. Running is hard. It’s a contact sport between you and the ground and it can cause some serious damage.

My job is to help you become a better runner – healthier, faster, stronger, and free of injuries. Sometimes that means being brutally honest. And many of you are wildly impatient.

Good runners think long-term and put in the work month after month. They don’t care that they’re not ready to race this weekend – they’re more interested in building the fitness they need six months from now.

It’s a different mindset, but it’s often the difference between those who are chronically injured and consistently healthy.” – 5 Running Blunders That Keep You Locked in the Injury Cycle by Jason Fitzgerald

Loving is hard.

It’s not all cuddles, kittens, and rainbows.

It’s time to become brutally honest with yourself and practice patience. Think long-term and be willing to put in the work. Build the mental and emotional fitness you need to form healthy, loving, relationships.

In the past, I’ve done many things without putting in the work needed to learn how it works. I was more in love with the idea of it, than the reality of what it is and what it entails. As a result, I went through unnecessary complications, problems and pain. Sure, that’s how we learn, but some things can be avoided. Some fatal mistakes, we can’t afford to make.

I just started running.

I love how YouTube is full of tutorials on it. One of it says to film your run, so you can see your running posture, and correct from there. So I did, and spotted many things I could improve on. I’m glad I didn’t feel as awful as I did in my last run. My friend’s breathing tips made a world of difference. And there are plenty of videos on injury prevention and good running techniques I’ll need to watch and learn before my next run.

It’s all in the learning first, then practice.

It’s the same with Love.

Erich Fromm, Leo Buscaglia, and Gary Chapman are all saying the same thing. We need to study Love, and learn how it works, in order to Love ourselves and others, well. We need to get our heads out of the clouds and get a reality check on what love is and what it really requires.

“Much of the pain in broken relationships in our world stems from the truth that many of us have never been serious students of love. We haven’t taken it seriously enough to learn how it actually works.” – Gary Chapman

“Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love.” – Erich Fromm

“Somehow or rather we all believe that all of the things we need to become lovers and to form relationships, are already in us. And all we have to do to realise it is to get to be a certain age, and there they are. You know if that were true, the statistics I presented to you will not be there.

Certainly you have a great potential to be a great lover, and it’s always there. I don’t care how old you are… But somewhere along the line, you’ve got to encounter it.You’ve got to take it seriously. You’ve got to embrace it in your arms.

You’ve got to ask questions like, ‘How does it happen? How does one do it?  How does one continue to grow in Love?’ It doesn’t just happen.” – Leo Buscaglia 

Love well. Do your homework.
Do your homework. Run well.

Keep it real.

The better prepared we are, the longer we can last, the further we can go, the harder the challenges we can face and overcome.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Love, Choice, Responsibility by Leo Buscaglia

Felice Leonardo “Leo” Buscaglia PhD (March 31, 1924 – June 12, 1998), also known as “Dr. Love,” was an American author and motivational speaker, and a professor in the Department of Special Education at the University of Sourthern California.

While teaching at USC, Buscaglia was moved by a student’s suicide to contemplate human disconnectedness and the meaning of life, and began a non-credit class he called Love 1A. This became the basis for his first book, titled simply LOVE.” – Wikipedia

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“…hardly anyone thinks that there is anything that needs to be learned about love…This attitude–that nothing is easier than to love–has continued to be the prevalent idea… in spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.” – Erich Fromm

“…hardly anyone thinks that there is anything that needs to be learned about love. This peculiar attitude is based on several premises which either singly or combined tend to uphold it.

Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love.

Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable. In pursuit of this aim they follow several paths.

One, which is especially used by men, is to be successful, to be as powerful and rich as the social margin of one’s position permits.

Another, used especially by women, is to make oneself attractive, by cultivating one’s body, dress, etc.

Other ways of making oneself attractive, used both by men and women, are to develop pleasant manners, interesting conversation, to be helpful, modest, inoffensive.

Many of the ways to make oneself lovable are the same as those used to make oneself successful, “to win friends and influence people.”

As a matter of fact, what most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal.” – Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving.

“A second premise behind the attitude that there is nothing to be learned about love is the assumption that the problem of love is the problem of an object, not the problem of a faculty.

People think that to love is simple, but that to find the right object to love–or to be loved by–is difficult. This attitude has several reasons rooted in the development of modern society…

Our whole culture is based on the appetite for buying, on the idea of a mutually favorable exchange. Modern man’s happiness consists in the thrill of looking at the shop windows, and in buying all that he can afford to buy, either for cash or on installments.

He (or she) looks at people in a similar way. For the man an attractive girl–and for the woman an attractive man–are the prizes they are after.

“Attractive” usually means a nice package or qualities which are popular and sought after on the personality market.

…At any rate, the sense of falling in love develops usually only with regard to such human commodities as are within reach of one’s own possibilities for exchange.

The third error leading to the assumption that there is nothing to be learned about love lies in the confusion between the initial experience of “falling” in love, and the permanent state of being in love, or as we might better say, of “standing” in love.

If two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down, and feel close, feel one, this moment of oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life.

It is all the more wonderful and miraculous for persons who have been shut off, isolated, without love.

This miracle of sudden intimacy is often facilitated if it is combined with, or initiated by, sexual attraction and consummation.

However, this type of love is by its very nature not lasting.

The two persons become well acquainted, their intimacy loses more and more its miraculous character, until their antagonism, their disappointments, their mutual boredom kill whatever is left of the initial excitement.

Yet, in the beginning they do not know all this: in fact, they take the intensity of the infatuation, this being “crazy” about each other, for proof of the intensity of their love, while it may only prove the degree of their preceding loneliness.

This attitude–that nothing is easier than to love–has continued to be the prevalent idea about love in spite of the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet, which fails so regularly, as love.

If this were the case with any other activity, people would be eager to know the reasons for the failure, and to learn how one could do better–or they would give up the activity. Since the latter is impossible in the case of love, there seems to be only one adequate way to overcome the failure of love–to examine the reasons for this failure, and to proceed to study the meaning of love.

The first step to take is to become aware that love is an art, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love we must proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we want to learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or the art of medicine or engineering…

…And, maybe, here lies the answer the question of why people in our culture try so rarely to learn this art, in spite of their obvious failures: in spite of the deep-seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love: success, prestige, money, power–almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims, and almost none to learn the art of loving.

Could it be that only those things are considered worthy of being learned with which one can earn money or prestige, and that love, which “only” profits the soul, but is profitless in the modern sense, is a luxury we have no right to spend much energy on?” – Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

What Does Love Mean?

"You is kind... You is smart... You is important." - The Help

“You is kind… You is smart… You is important.” – The Help

A friend shared a really good article today with the caption “Booom!” Soon as I read it, I felt a shot of sunshine punching through my gloom (hahs it rhymes!). And you know what? So many people are getting hit by it and liking it! Thought it was worth sharing on this blog too:

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: “What does love mean?”

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think…

_____

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

Rebecca – age 8

_____

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

Billy – age 4

_____

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

Terri – age 4

_____

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”

Danny – age 7

_____

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”

Emily – age 8

_____

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)

_____

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

Nikka – age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

_____

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

Noelle – age 7

_____

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

Tommy – age 6

_____

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

Cindy – age 8

_____

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”

Elaine – age 5

_____

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”

Chris – age 7

_____

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

Mary Ann – age 4

_____

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” (Now THIS is love!)

Lauren – age 4

_____

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (what an image!)

Karen – age 7

_____

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”

Mark – age 6

_____

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

Jessica – age 8

_____

And the final one…

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

“Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

Article Source: http://www.redsofts.com “What Does Love Mean?” by Ladan Lashkari

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Ants Can Show You The Way To Love

Ants are great teachers of Love… especially the first aspect of ‘Love is Patient’. 

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve been gifted with a special situation where tiny little red ants would appear from seemingly nowhere, land on my arms and sink their pincers in. Ouch! But because I believe ants are not the problem (and that it’s really us not keeping clean enough–in my instance, it would be food / bowls / coffee left on the desk while I’m working), I’ll just blow at the tiny ant, so it’ll fly away, and land on the floor where it came from.

Flicking the ant off is not an option–the strength of our hand crushes it.

So this went on for months. On and off, while working, I’ll feel a sharp pain, and pause to blow the lucky ant off. I say ‘lucky’ because I half suspect or imagine they’ve passed around a message to bored ants wanting to experience what it’s like to bungee jump off my arm!!!

Anyway. One day… I wasn’t in a good mood at all. In fact, I was getting agitated and impatient over something I can’t even remember now. In the midst of that, bam! I slapped at whatever was causing me pain to push it off my arm when I realised 1 second too late what I’ve done to the ant.

By observing my self at that moment, I see that when I allow myself to be dictated by Impatience and reflex reaction towards pain, I end up causing more pain–or in this case, the untimely death of an ant. 

What is the big deal? You may ask.

It’s just an ant! You may say.

I do pray that one day, you will be filled with so much Love that you can’t help but even feel Love for ‘pesky’ little bugs like Ants. Believe it or not, they do have their place on earth, even right beside you, and on your arm. For they are God’s creatures, a divine creation, just like you, put here for a purpose. And if you allow them to, they can be your Teachers.

That aside, I’m not here to debate how you feel about ants–that’s not the point. Let’s focus on the big picture: 1. Can I allow people / creatures / situations that “test my patience” to teach me something about myself? 2. Can I be more aware of my own reaction / response when “tested?” 3. What does my Impatience say about my ability to Love? 4. What were the consequences of me not caring enough to be Patient with someone, in the past? 5. How can I learn and grow from it?

“Love is a learned, emotional reaction. It is a response to a learned group of stimuli and behaviours.

Like all learned behavior, it is effected by the interaction of the learner with his environment…

Love is a dynamic interaction, lived every second of our lives, all of our lives…

…One learns to react in a particular way to a certain degree to a specific stimulus. That reaction will be the visible index of his love…

The more he learns, the more his opportunities to change his behavorial responses and thus expand his ability to love…

If one wishes to know love, one must live love, in action.” – Leo Buscaglia, ‘Love’ – pg 90, 91

Can today be the day you practice expanding your ability to Love? 🙂

The more you Be Love, the sooner you’ll see: Love Attracts Love. 

But don’t take my word for it. Grow in Love. Discover it for yourself.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Everyone Who Wishes To Have Love, To Him It Is Given

“Too often, we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, and a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia.

When I read this inspiring quote last week, I went from being in awe of this beautiful thought to being in awe of the person who wrote it:

Leo Buscaglia. Who is he? I love the way he thinks!

A quick search revealed that he is known as ‘Dr.Love’.

He’s a famous motivational speaker, author and a professor, who created the non-credited course titled “Love 1A” after a student’s suicide moved him to contemplate human disconnectedness and the meaning of life.

Which then lead him to writing his first book, simply titled, LOVE. 🙂

I really enjoyed Leo’s “Speaking of Love” and “Born for Love” talks on YouTube and once again, I was sure that this is what I want to be doing!

Ever since experiencing the life-transforming power of Love, I can’t get enough of it. I live for it, I crave for it, I breathe for it and through it.

And this Love, is unlike any other Love I’ve experienced in my human life… It’s a Divine Love that’s steadfast and new every morning.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It’s an Unfailing Love–a Love that’s better than life.

And having had a taste of it–all I want is more. 🙂

For this reason, I wish to be a life-long student of Love and to share my story of Love with the world. As I was thinking what  that would mean for me in terms of a ‘job title’, the funny revelation that came to mind is:

“Love Guru”. 😉

And this student is so fortunate to have the Lover of my Soul to be my personal Guru of gurus–through His Word, through His still small voice within, through the 1001 ways He loves me and most of all…

…through the Pure Love Christ has shown me.

~

But there are days when I forget what makes my heart beat and come alive… So I woke up this morning with a prayer for Purpose. “What shall I do with my life? Should I continue writing? Why?”

And the answer was revealed to me so simply…

I’ve been reading Works Of Love by Soren Kierkegaard. I love thumbing through it randomly and surprising myself with what I find in the pages.

Today, the book opens at chapter X, ‘The Works of Love in Praising Love.’

“Everyone who wishes to have love, to him it is given, and if he wishes to undertake the work of praising it, he will be able to do this also.” – pg 331

I was like, wow. Amen, Amen, Amen.

I felt the surge of Purpose charging through my being at this reminder. 🙂

And then, in answer to my second question, 

“Write! For whom? For the dead, for those whom you have loved in time past!–and in loving them I shall also meet with the dearest among the living.” – pg 333.

Wow… It can’t get more specific than this. 🙂

“Ask–it shall be given. Seek–you shall find. Knock–it shall be opened.” What are you asking today? Who are you seeking? Where are you knocking? May God’s Amazing Love be your guide, always. Amen.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Do Nothing To Prove Your Worth. Just BE.

Believe it or not, it takes courage to do nothing.

When you take a moment to “do nothing”, there is nothing you can take claim to, to take pride in, to boost your ego with, to complain about or put blame on or distract yourself with.

Nothing.

You are just left with you.

Hours and hours and hours of you.

If our identity, worth and purpose is tied up with the doing, the moment we cease to do something, it’s so easy to think we are good for nothing.

When people ask me what I’m doing, and I answer “Nothing,” it boggles their mind. It is such an unnatural thing for them so when I say nothing more to that, they would have all the answers figured out and tell me why I’m doing nothing. Hahs! So I let them talk and continue doing… nothing. 🙂

Today, I thought I’d do something.

I made a fitting appointment with a ROX/STA customer. Did vocal recordings for a music project. And went hunting for LOVE by Leo Buscaglia at Times Bookstore but there was none. So I ended up at the Self-Help corner. I love personal growth and motivationals. But today, the shelves and shelves of books, telling me how to be better, more confident, more successful, more effective, more this and that was just too much…

…I felt tired and walked away.

The truth is, just our being alive, makes all the difference in the world.

A ‘Wiseman’ named Evan Mak taught me that. And he does it so well by doing nothing. 🙂 He wakes. He smiles. He cries. He farts. He poops. He frowns. He laughs. He sleeps. That is all. In the real world, if we were to measure his actions in terms of money, he is doing “nothing”…

…When in fact, he is doing everything.

Life has never been the same again since the day he was placed in the arms of his adoptive parents. No words could describe their Joy.

Even his adoptive grandmother, who is said to be sickly before his existence, now gets well in a day, praying to live to watch him grow. 🙂

The baby didn’t have to do anything to be of value.

He already is–just by BEING alive, BEING him, BEING in their lives.

If you could realise the meaning of this in the deepest sense, you’d stop chasing after a million things ‘to do’ to validate your existence, or to prove your identity, worth and purpose.

Baby Evan has shown the way at 3 months old:

Do nothing to prove your worth.

Just BE.

Sometimes this means doing nothing for a while… 

~

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture