Love is Hidden In Plain Sight. It Just Takes Courage, To See.

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering.

What does love look like? 
What does love look like? is the question I’ve been asking of You.

Once believed that love was romance, just a chance. 

I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful. 

I once believed that love was a momentary bliss, but love is more than this…” – Misty Edwards

Sometimes we don’t recognise Love, because “Love is hidden in plain sight”. It’s such a cliché, that I have not paused to ponder what “hidden in plain sight” really means. I loved this definition I came across online:

“It means that something is visible to a person but because… it is not where the person looking for it expects it to be, it is hard to locate. 

For example, I was looking in my bookshelves for a book by a particular author. I thought the book had a red cover, so I was looking for a red cover. I was wrong; it had a white cover. I probably glanced at the book 3 or 4 times without recognizing it. It was hidden (meaning I didn’t recognize it) in plain sight (it was perfectly visible).”

That got me thinking.

Is it possible that we become so attached to what Love must look like, that we become blind to what Love really looks like, when it’s always been there, right in front of us? 

Love is hidden, only because I didn’t recognize it, when it is right in front of me. 

Still, “What does Love look like?” 

“…most of us spend our lives trying to find love, trying to live in it, and dying without ever truly discovering it.” – Leo Buscaglia

Last night, A and I agreed that there is no one definition to Love. Question is, can we recognise Love when it’s right in front of us? Our eyes need cleansing, to truly see.

For that cleansing to happen, sometimes we need to face some painful truths about ourselves. This morning, an inconvenient truth became apparent: “I am A Terrible Friend.” I began to see I have been Projecting on my friends, my own Shadows.

“I realized that I only judged people when they displayed a quality I could not accept in myself… 

Hold your hand straight out in front of you and point at someone. Notice that you have one finger pointing at them and three fingers pointing back at yourself. This can serve as a reminder that when we are blaming others we are only denying an aspect of ourselves.

The process of hiding and denying parts of myself began to seem almost comical once I realized all the energy I was using in order to not be a certain kind of person.” – Debbie Ford, ‘The Dark Side of The Light Chasers.

Trying so hard to not be “A Terrible Friend” was draining me of my energy. I have been so focussed on looking like “A Good Friend” that I haven’t been completely true to myself and others.

When the revelation that “I Am A Terrible Friend” hit me, it felt like a pin had pricked an overly inflated balloon, stretched beyond its means. Ready or not, that stab of truth had punched a hole on my defensive walls and masks, and all that pent up negative energy from not being true to myself was finally finding release.

In the process, I felt lighter, and lighter, and lighter… Who knew, owning up to the fact that “I Am A Terrible Friend” could be so liberating? In the light of this truth, I felt free to drop the need to look good. And I found the courage I needed, to take the steps forward to grow my friendships, at the risk of looking like “a terrible friend”.

This revelation that “I Am A Terrible Friend” also opened my eyes to the reason why I’ve kept these friends in my life. It’s because “My Terrible Friends” have, at some point or another, demonstrated that they are also “My Fiercely Loving Friends.”

Fierce Love isn’t cotton candies.

It shows up when I’m messed up. It sounds offensive, annoying and stern. And it’s a hard, bitter pill to swallow sometimes.

Fierce Love is a friend, who keeps his car engine running in the parking lot, getting all worked up as he’s giving me a long lecture about my worth and lack of self-love.

Fierce Love is that friend sending me an angry text, demanding to know why I went partying without him and got so drunk. He’s mad he wasn’t there to take care of me when I made a fool of myself.

Fierce Love is the cousin, who’s strong enough to show me tough love, when I was in a state where I was the toughest to love. I was up to my neck in muck and too proud to admit it, but she waded in, in the midst of that and held up a mirror, high and clear. Sure, I felt like stinking shit after that, but in her other hand was Unconditional Love.

Fierce Love is the girlfriend who yells at me, fearing for my safety and insisting on driving me home, even though I think I’m sober enough to commute back on my own.

Fierce Love is the girlfriend who shouts at me to get a hold of myself, when I was falling apart and didn’t know any other way.

Fierce Love is the friend who kicked me out of his home when I was a bulimic at 17, and used his bathroom to puke. I thought it was funny. He made it clear it wasn’t.

Fierce Love is all the ways my friends continued loving me, in the limited ways they knew how, when I didn’t love myself enough and didn’t know any better.

Fierce Love is a lot of work. They were willing to put in the work. So will I.

This is how I know what Love is.

It just takes Courage, to see.

c9508dbfbc0f0d2ad22e6aed9e8e46bd

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Advertisements

“When there’s chaos, the calm one prevails.” – AT

“One cannot reflect in streaming water. Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.” – Lao Tzu

Our world is in a state of crisis. It is nothing new. It is a constant thing. But each and every day, we can make a difference by choosing Awareness.

Being aware of our action and reaction to the crisis and conflicts in our inner world, can direct our contribution to our outer world.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandhi

Last Thursday, a text and a call sent me into a fearful and panicked state, the twin triggers of anger and hate. In my state of distress, I turned to a friend I’ve come to respect on so many levels.

I value his approach to life, people and the little things. You can see how a person is with the bigger things, by observing the way they are with the seemingly insignificant, little things.

He is not perfect, but no one is. In some areas he admit he’s downright clueless, and apt to repeating the same painful experiences until he learns–but isn’t it the same with all of us?

With these things in mind, I looked to him for help.

He began by asking a series of questions to clarify a few things.

In my state of mind, there was no helping me. It was like trying to walk across a field planted with old explosive land mines.

Instead of fighting fire with fire, I am grateful he maintained his calm composure and fixed his eyes on the problem, never averting it to the person who is making him the problem now.

Even when I told him to forget it, he kept a steady gaze towards finding a solution instead of backing off and leaving me to my misery.

“…my dear friend, I just want you to assess the situation and know what kind of a person you are dealing with at the moment. 

Every word or action draws a reaction.

If shit happened, so be it, it’s about finding a solution now correct (?).

There are ways to solve a problem like this, just try to understand the nature of this aggressiveness, and maybe we’ll (find) the best solution together.

When there’s chaos, the calm one prevails.” – AT

internalpeaceAs we’re mindful of a world in crisis, let’s extend our mindfulness to the simple, little things.

“Every word or action draws a reaction.”

“When there’s chaos, the calm one prevails.”

Are we contributing a problem or a solution? Are we adding more fuel to fire and playing our parts as agents of fear and anger and hatred and war? Or are we making space for peace by working on our inner peace?

Let it begin with me.

Let it begin with you.

Let it begin with us. 

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“Muddy Water, Let Stand, Becomes Clear.” – Lao Tzu

“A group of friends went swimming one day and one of them lost a ring in the bottom of the lake.

Everyone started diving from different directions to find it until there was so much mud and sand stirred up that no one could see anything. 

Finally, they decided to clear the water. They waited silently on the edge of the shore for the mud from all their activity to settle. 

When it finally cleared, one person dove in slowly and picked up the ring.

When we are confused about something in our lives, we will often hear answers and advice from all directions. Our friends will tell us one thing and our families another, until we feel pretty well mixed up. 

If we look away from our problem and let patience and time do their work, the mud inside us will settle and clear. 

Our answer will become visible, like the glimmer of silver in the water.” – Today’s Gift by Anonymous.

“Muddy Water,

Let Stand,

Becomes Clear.”

– Lao Tzu

DSC06254edit

Shot this picture of a beautiful lake, in Hangzhou,China.  January 2014.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture