“In a new relationship, you are meeting another person’s persona: the person that they most want you to see.
As you get to know the person better, new layers of each of you emerge for one another to see.
As the level of trust in the relationship grows, you both will expose deeper and deeper layers to one another.
The deepest layers of each of us are formed at a very young age, in response to childhood experiences.
If your expectation is that relationships do not take work, then you probably are in for a major disappointment when the deeper parts of your partner’s personality emerge.
Temptation may come to leave and find a new, “better” partner.
You will find, however, that we are all the same: we all have deeper layers that hide under our socially acceptable personas.
If you are unwilling to explore the deeper layers of your partner, or to reveal your own deeper layers, your relationships will remain superficial and unfulfilling.
You will feel that something is missing… that your relationships are never intimate… that your partners never understand you… that you cannot understand your partners.
You will be wondering why love seems to elude you. You will turn from person to person, looking for the “right” person, but never find him or her.
You will never discover the real person that lies behind the mask of the persona in your current partner.
You will never create the loving relationship you desire, unless you are willing to put forth the effort to discover who your partner actually is, and to reveal your true self to your partner…
…You know that you are working at your relationship when you want to run away in frustration, but you stay and talk with your partner–not just once, but repeatedly.
Intimacy grows from the commitment and work that you put into your relationship.
Of course, this is not to say that everyone is compatible with everyone else. However, once you have found a partner who meets certain parameters and seems compatible, the balance is 100% pure W-O-R-K.
A nice anology for this process is that of mining for diamonds. On the surface, you can see certain signs that tell you that diamonds may be down there, somewhere below the surface. You decide to dig, and you invest all your time into digging. It is messy work. You feel like giving up, but all the signs on the surface insure you that there will be diamonds down there, somewhere.
So you keep digging.
Eventually, after a lot of time and a lot of effort, you find rough gemstones deep below the ground. How amazing that such beauty could be so far under the surface of the earth, under so much dirt. You are very glad that you persevered, instead of giving up in your search.
Relationships are exactly like this. Put the work into a relationship with the right person, and you will reap the love and intimacy benefits…
Extinguish your fears. Have your priorities in order. Love one another to the highest degree. Keep digging till you find the diamonds within your partner, and your partner finds the diamonds within you. Have fun with one another, and enjoy a journey of passionate, committed, rising love together.” – Paul Mauchline
*Note: These are selected portions of an article “Love is like mining for diamonds: It takes work” by Paul Mauchline. All credit goes to him.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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