Shadow Boxing In The Dark…

Do you remember the scene in Disney’s Peter Pan where he loses his own shadow, and quietly sneaks in to Wendy’s room at night to hunt, fight and pin down his shadow with all his might?

This seemingly minute scene is a huge hint at something most of us may not even be aware of:

Shadow Boxing in the dark…


The idea of Shadow Boxing came to me on the 3rd of December, ’14.

That night at 8pm, he left me for the desert. His eyes told me he’s going off on a fight.

I saw the seething rage beneath the calm. In an instant, I knew.

He’s going shadow boxing.

This time, the punches will be hard as steel and soul breaking.

It made me want to cry out. “Don’t hurt yourself! Please, be patient with yourself…”

And then, as real as it felt, as quick as it came, the vision in the night vanished into thin air.

It left me wondering who’s the one Shadow Boxing?

Him. Or me?

It could be my projection.

I could be the one, left behind, left to face a most unforgiving fight.

And you may wonder, “But how can one hurt themselves if they’re only shadow boxing? Aren’t you just fighting with… air?” Indeed, Wiki states that in shadowboxing, “only one person is required to participate; the participant throws punches at no one in particular.” – Wiki

But the shadow boxing I had in mind last night was a little different… It’s the fight we have with our own Shadow.

“In Jungian psychology, the shadow or “shadow aspect” may refer to (1) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one’s personality, the shadow is largely negative, or (2) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. There are, however, positive aspects which may also remain hidden in one’s shadow.” – Wiki

I went Shadow Boxing with a group of strangers last night and it was quite an experience.

We sat in a ring. Lights dimmed. The master was on her raised meditation cushion. And then, with a nod, one by one, the fighters took turns to get into that ring, Shadow Boxing, freestyle.

As each of them shared their story and struggles, the master, with eyes as sharp as an eagle, mind ten paces ahead, and experience twice our lifetime, is listening. Every uttered word paints the flow and the movement of the Shadow. She’s quick to catch and redirect, with tough-loving suggestions here and there.

Each fighter returns to his or her seat a little weary but much stronger in Awareness.

Some, like A and I, continued our shadow work even after the sessions were done. Her piercing insight, now that I think of it, was kind of like‘s guide to improve shadow boxing.

“If something feels too difficult, you’re probably doing it wrong. Your shoulders shouldn’t be hurting during the hook. Your back shouldn’t be aching when you slip. You shouldn’t be falling off balance when you move around. If you’re getting tired shadowboxing, how can you expect yourself to have much endurance during a high-stress fight with an opponent?” – 

‘Cos I was saying things like, “I’ve been trying to be patient, trying to be understanding, trying to be open-minded, trying to be loving…”

A responds, “Trying this… trying that… trying, always trying… trying means you’re not there yet… you’re not patient, not understanding, not… you get the idea? You think you are but you’re not. If you are, you wouldn’t be trying… you’d BE.”

And she ended our session with the one word I needed reminder of: ACCEPTANCE.

Until we see, acknowledge and understand our own Shadow, coming to a point of Acceptance, we’ll find it hard to Accept others, as they are.

“The shadow personifies everything that the subject refuses to acknowledge about himself” and represents “a tight passage, a narrow door, whose painful constriction no one is spared who goes down to the deep well”. 

If and when ‘an individual makes an attempt to see his shadow, he becomes aware of (and often ashamed of) those qualities and impulses he denies in himself but can plainly see in others — such things as egotism, mental laziness, and sloppiness; unreal fantasies, schemes, and plots; carelessness and cowardice; inordinate love of money and possessions…” – wiki/Shadow_(psychology)

Shadow work is scary and uncomfortable, but so necessary.

Perhaps when we gradually slip into Acceptance, we can do less Shadow Boxing and more, as puts it, “Shadow Dancing.”




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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“Relationships never offer a guarantee. And they always require work. And therefore they don’t work for people who are not willing to work… without a guarantee.” – Leo Buscaglia

“Relationships never offer a guarantee. And they always require work.

And therefore they don’t work for people who are not willing to work.

And they don’t work for people who aren’t willing to work without a guarantee.

We’re always waiting for the right person to come along.

And we say that when they come along we will live happily ever after.

Doesn’t that make you wanna puke? I mean how old do we have to be before we realise that’s the most distractive myth? There’s no such thing as happily ever after anything.

And you’re waiting for the right person! I guarantee you’ll wait forever! There is no right person. You become the right person!” – Leo Buscaglia




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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What do we know about Loving Relationships? Invest 45 Amazing Minutes with Leo Buscaglia for an expansion of perspective… “Life is a celebration of ALL relationships, not just the limitations of a man and a woman and a marriage…” – Leo Buscaglia

“There’s so many myths about relationships… the minute I talk about loving relationships, everybody immediately flashes on MAN-WOMAN-MARRIAGE.

And we forget that that’s only ONE relationship in our lives.

Think of a myriad of others. Think of mommas, of pappas, of sisters, of brothers, of neighbours, of friends, of in-laws, of co-workers and they go on and on and on…

And life is a celebration of all those relationships, not just the limitations of a man and a woman and a marriage… If that’s all you do, you’re going to be lost.

You’ve got to go out and bring in these others, because they feed you, they nourish you, they make you healthy…” – Leo Buscaglia




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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Love Is Allowing Yourself To Feel

Originally posted on 28.06.12:

“We must not numb our pain.

When in sorrow, sorrow.

When in anger, anger.


It’s the only way to go through it.” Paul said to me, as we were discussing the problem of alcoholism in Finland.

His main language is Finnish. So when he speaks in English, it’s very simple. But I get it. And I love it. It comes out sounding like a poem.

Paul is saying we must go through the process of whatever it is we’re feeling. So when we’re in sorrow, then allow ourselves to be in sorrow.

Having spent many years working in a rehab for alcoholics in Helsinki, he’s seen how desperately people try to numb their pain, instead of dealing with the root of that pain. In the end, the only thing they create is a bigger mess, ruining their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.

…I feel like I can relate to them.

For over a decade, I’ve tried to numb my pain through many ways.

It has led to many addictions that can be a whole blog post by itself.

The past one year and a half, I’ve been learning that there are better, healthier and more effective ways to deal with pain. Today, I’m just going to focus on one: Giving yourself permission to feel what you feel.

I’ve been having a hard time processing my feelings the last couple of days / weeks / months. Here I am, learning about love and sharing what I learn on The Love Culture. But I am highly aware, too, that these whole other spectrum of “dark” emotions are well and alive and brewing in me.








They’re not there all the time. At least not on the surface. But when it’s triggered, the rawness of the pain and the way I crumble, surprises me.

Seeing the way that I am when I’m in pain–and being made aware that I’m not much different from the person causing me pain when I’m hurt–just left me feeling absolutely lost in my own darkness. 

And then someone comes my way today, to remind me of my goodness and help me see the Light, within and without. I feel loved, supported and cared for. And it’s bringing me release. Which got me wondering…

Could this be the reason why we hold on to our hurt?

Is it a cry to be loved?

I believe the answer is, Yes.

This question and answer have, in the past, allowed me to let go of the need for justice or to set things right–at least, not in the heat of the moment. Understanding that both the perpetrator of pain and the one in pain is both crying out for the same thing–to be loved–frees me to open up my hands to receive the Love that I need from God, others and myself, to heal, instead of keeping it clenched in a fist of fury, ready to retaliate.

But this time around, I’m feeling conflicted.

Here I am, talking about love and compassion on The Love Culture, but I wasn’t feeling very loving or compassionate at the moment towards the source of my pain. I felt disgusted instead. And I felt bad for feeling this.

Then a friend comes along and gives me this reassurance:

“Dont ever be afraid to feel “negative” feelings.

They are just signals, not the be-alls and end-alls.

In the great silence of which you understand, there is the unfolding of His greatness and love, which can NEVER be taken away by our feelings.” – TW

I felt grateful for this reminder.

His permission (yes, we don’t need ‘permission’ so to speak, but when we’re stuck and unable to move, it helps to have someone say “IT’S OKAY, GO AHEAD”) to feel without condemnation, allowed me to navigate my way through this, by trying to understand,

“What are my “negative” feelings signalling?”

That I need Healing.

That I need more Love.

Both of which I can choose to receive in prayer, even in this time of pain.

What is your pain telling you? What are your “negative” feelings signalling? May your permission to feel, and your courage to face your darkness, give you the Understanding to Love and Be Loved.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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I see you, I hear you, I feel you.

Sometimes the most caring thing we can do for another is crawling into the cave of their soul, and taking a good look around to see what they see, hear what they hear, feel what they feel.

No words of advice.

No need to fix.

Just being present in their moment of darkness with the light of our presence.

Staying far enough to give space, but close enough so they will know:

You are not alone.

In this way, that cavern can be transformed.

From a lonely place, to a safe haven.

A shelter.

An anchoring point where strength can be regained, just from the feeling of being seen, heard and felt.

Intimacy. Connection. Empathy. Love.

It’s how we feel hugged on the inside, and it’s a very nice feeling.

“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou 




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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Keep It Real… in running and in loving. Learning how it actually works, can prevent damaging injuries. The better prepared we are, the longer we can last, the further we can go, the harder the challenges we can face and overcome.

Running is easy, right? Just run! Loving is easy right? Just love! Right. Keep thinking that… 

Recent research has shown that as many as 79% of runners get injured at least once during the year. Stop. Think about that number for a moment. Nearly 8 out of every 10 runners you see at your next race have been or will be injured sometime that year.” –

There is 1 divorce in Malaysia every 10 minutes13 divorces an hour in England and Wales in 2012, and so on and so forth. You get the picture.

We’re aware of these statistics, yet for some reason, we like to kid ourselves and think we’ll be the only exception and defy the odds.

This article by Jason Fitzgerald on 5 Running Blunders That Keep You Locked in the Injury Cycle paints a true picture of what happens when we approach running–and I’ll add LOVING–with this kind of mindset:

“Flash back ten years ago: I was tearing through 80 mile weeks as a cocky 19 year old. But disaster was right around the corner.

I really had no idea what I was doing. My college coach gave us flexibility with our mileage and I was running too much, too soon, too fast. The “little things” that help you stay healthy were an afterthought…

So I ran myself into the ground. I reached 90 miles per week and then was forced to recover (slowly) from IT band syndrome.

This was after chronic Achilles tendinopathy ruined my spring track season. Later that year I’d have a string of other injuries.

I was locked in the injury cycle and had no idea what to do. It was frustrating; I thought I was doing everything right…” – 5 Running Blunders That Keep You Locked in the Injury Cycle by Jason Fitzgerald

Doesn’t this sound familiar?

When it comes to Love, can we admit we actually have no idea what we are doing? We get the idea from Hollywood that we’re going to be okay. Our ego tells us we can handle it. Our friends tells us it should be like this and that. And the message that we get all around is that it’s all fun and games. So we get into relationships too much, too soon, too fast. We end up running ourselves into the ground. Get our hearts broken. Get better. Then get our hearts broken again. It’s a cycle of heartbreak and pain!

If you’re SANE enough to be frustrated from years of chronic heartbreaks and you’re ready for a change, now’s the time to learn.

I love how Jason’s reality check for runners, applies to us all, as lovers:

“I could be your cheerleader and tell you that running is all cuddles, kittens, and rainbows.

But it’s not. Running is hard. It’s a contact sport between you and the ground and it can cause some serious damage.

My job is to help you become a better runner – healthier, faster, stronger, and free of injuries. Sometimes that means being brutally honest. And many of you are wildly impatient.

Good runners think long-term and put in the work month after month. They don’t care that they’re not ready to race this weekend – they’re more interested in building the fitness they need six months from now.

It’s a different mindset, but it’s often the difference between those who are chronically injured and consistently healthy.” – 5 Running Blunders That Keep You Locked in the Injury Cycle by Jason Fitzgerald

Loving is hard.

It’s not all cuddles, kittens, and rainbows.

It’s time to become brutally honest with yourself and practice patience. Think long-term and be willing to put in the work. Build the mental and emotional fitness you need to form healthy, loving, relationships.

In the past, I’ve done many things without putting in the work needed to learn how it works. I was more in love with the idea of it, than the reality of what it is and what it entails. As a result, I went through unnecessary complications, problems and pain. Sure, that’s how we learn, but some things can be avoided. Some fatal mistakes, we can’t afford to make.

I just started running.

I love how YouTube is full of tutorials on it. One of it says to film your run, so you can see your running posture, and correct from there. So I did, and spotted many things I could improve on. I’m glad I didn’t feel as awful as I did in my last run. My friend’s breathing tips made a world of difference. And there are plenty of videos on injury prevention and good running techniques I’ll need to watch and learn before my next run.

It’s all in the learning first, then practice.

It’s the same with Love.

Erich Fromm, Leo Buscaglia, and Gary Chapman are all saying the same thing. We need to study Love, and learn how it works, in order to Love ourselves and others, well. We need to get our heads out of the clouds and get a reality check on what love is and what it really requires.

“Much of the pain in broken relationships in our world stems from the truth that many of us have never been serious students of love. We haven’t taken it seriously enough to learn how it actually works.” – Gary Chapman

“Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love.” – Erich Fromm

“Somehow or rather we all believe that all of the things we need to become lovers and to form relationships, are already in us. And all we have to do to realise it is to get to be a certain age, and there they are. You know if that were true, the statistics I presented to you will not be there.

Certainly you have a great potential to be a great lover, and it’s always there. I don’t care how old you are… But somewhere along the line, you’ve got to encounter it.You’ve got to take it seriously. You’ve got to embrace it in your arms.

You’ve got to ask questions like, ‘How does it happen? How does one do it?  How does one continue to grow in Love?’ It doesn’t just happen.” – Leo Buscaglia 

Love well. Do your homework.
Do your homework. Run well.

Keep it real.

The better prepared we are, the longer we can last, the further we can go, the harder the challenges we can face and overcome.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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Love is Hidden In Plain Sight. It Just Takes Courage, To See.

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering.

What does love look like? 
What does love look like? is the question I’ve been asking of You.

Once believed that love was romance, just a chance. 

I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful. 

I once believed that love was a momentary bliss, but love is more than this…” – Misty Edwards

Sometimes we don’t recognise Love, because “Love is hidden in plain sight”. It’s such a cliché, that I have not paused to ponder what “hidden in plain sight” really means. I loved this definition I came across online:

“It means that something is visible to a person but because… it is not where the person looking for it expects it to be, it is hard to locate. 

For example, I was looking in my bookshelves for a book by a particular author. I thought the book had a red cover, so I was looking for a red cover. I was wrong; it had a white cover. I probably glanced at the book 3 or 4 times without recognizing it. It was hidden (meaning I didn’t recognize it) in plain sight (it was perfectly visible).”

That got me thinking.

Is it possible that we become so attached to what Love must look like, that we become blind to what Love really looks like, when it’s always been there, right in front of us? 

Love is hidden, only because I didn’t recognize it, when it is right in front of me. 

Still, “What does Love look like?” 

“…most of us spend our lives trying to find love, trying to live in it, and dying without ever truly discovering it.” – Leo Buscaglia

Last night, A and I agreed that there is no one definition to Love. Question is, can we recognise Love when it’s right in front of us? Our eyes need cleansing, to truly see.

For that cleansing to happen, sometimes we need to face some painful truths about ourselves. This morning, an inconvenient truth became apparent: “I am A Terrible Friend.” I began to see I have been Projecting on my friends, my own Shadows.

“I realized that I only judged people when they displayed a quality I could not accept in myself… 

Hold your hand straight out in front of you and point at someone. Notice that you have one finger pointing at them and three fingers pointing back at yourself. This can serve as a reminder that when we are blaming others we are only denying an aspect of ourselves.

The process of hiding and denying parts of myself began to seem almost comical once I realized all the energy I was using in order to not be a certain kind of person.” – Debbie Ford, ‘The Dark Side of The Light Chasers.

Trying so hard to not be “A Terrible Friend” was draining me of my energy. I have been so focussed on looking like “A Good Friend” that I haven’t been completely true to myself and others.

When the revelation that “I Am A Terrible Friend” hit me, it felt like a pin had pricked an overly inflated balloon, stretched beyond its means. Ready or not, that stab of truth had punched a hole on my defensive walls and masks, and all that pent up negative energy from not being true to myself was finally finding release.

In the process, I felt lighter, and lighter, and lighter… Who knew, owning up to the fact that “I Am A Terrible Friend” could be so liberating? In the light of this truth, I felt free to drop the need to look good. And I found the courage I needed, to take the steps forward to grow my friendships, at the risk of looking like “a terrible friend”.

This revelation that “I Am A Terrible Friend” also opened my eyes to the reason why I’ve kept these friends in my life. It’s because “My Terrible Friends” have, at some point or another, demonstrated that they are also “My Fiercely Loving Friends.”

Fierce Love isn’t cotton candies.

It shows up when I’m messed up. It sounds offensive, annoying and stern. And it’s a hard, bitter pill to swallow sometimes.

Fierce Love is a friend, who keeps his car engine running in the parking lot, getting all worked up as he’s giving me a long lecture about my worth and lack of self-love.

Fierce Love is that friend sending me an angry text, demanding to know why I went partying without him and got so drunk. He’s mad he wasn’t there to take care of me when I made a fool of myself.

Fierce Love is the cousin, who’s strong enough to show me tough love, when I was in a state where I was the toughest to love. I was up to my neck in muck and too proud to admit it, but she waded in, in the midst of that and held up a mirror, high and clear. Sure, I felt like stinking shit after that, but in her other hand was Unconditional Love.

Fierce Love is the girlfriend who yells at me, fearing for my safety and insisting on driving me home, even though I think I’m sober enough to commute back on my own.

Fierce Love is the girlfriend who shouts at me to get a hold of myself, when I was falling apart and didn’t know any other way.

Fierce Love is the friend who kicked me out of his home when I was a bulimic at 17, and used his bathroom to puke. I thought it was funny. He made it clear it wasn’t.

Fierce Love is all the ways my friends continued loving me, in the limited ways they knew how, when I didn’t love myself enough and didn’t know any better.

Fierce Love is a lot of work. They were willing to put in the work. So will I.

This is how I know what Love is.

It just takes Courage, to see.





“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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If you’re ANGRY, good! USE IT, WELL. Manage Anger, don’t let it manage you. Direct that heated charge of energy towards finding a winning solution.

ANGER is amazing when we’re angry enough. It can fire us up to find a solution, right on the spot!

If I’m angry from facing the same problem day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year with no change in sight, it means I AM THE PROBLEM.

It is also a clear indication of Wasted Anger. It shows we’ve been busy directing that charge of energy towards a torrent of counter productive, “feel good” verbal bashing–doing nothing constructive about the issue.

Use and manage anger.

Let it direct and motivate you and I towards finding an actual solution.

The good news is, if we’re still not getting it, PAIN is a very good motivator. It comes in increasing doses until we’re finally forced to surrender and do something about it.

I’m writing this post right after a jubilant moment of riding that wave of anger through to finding a solution.

Now I can stop cursing out loud and going into shock every time I have my earphones on, music blasting at full volume, only to have my ears bombed by a whatsapp notification! It’s so loud I once heard a popping sound go off in my skull. It’s a mini explosion. And it feels like I’ve been punched in my head by an invisible fist!

Right after the ‘assault’, I’d frantically find the non-existent silent option for whatsapp. Every time, I’d find the same thing. There is no such option, except for mute in group chats.

But today is the day I had enough. I got angry enough to stop doing what I’ve always done, yet expecting different results. I got angry enough to ask for help. My boys figured it out in a few seconds. I finally found the NONE option. It’s hidden out of sight but it’s there all along. I could’ve found it if I had just scrolled up instead of down, like I always do!

I once read this quote on Stephan’s FB, and it comes to mind today:

“It takes a lot of things to change the world: Anger and tenacity. Science and indignation, The quick initiative, the long reflection, The cold patience and the infinite perseverance, The understanding of the particular case and the understanding of the ensemble: Only the lessons of reality can teach us to transform reality.” — Bertold Brecht 

And as we all know, we’ve got to BE the change we wish to see in the world. It begins in us, in the little things, in the daily things.

So are you ANGRY today? Good! USE IT, WELL. Manage Anger, don’t let it manage you. Direct that heated charge of energy towards finding a winning solution. Get angry enough. Then use it.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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Love, Choice, Responsibility by Leo Buscaglia

Felice Leonardo “Leo” Buscaglia PhD (March 31, 1924 – June 12, 1998), also known as “Dr. Love,” was an American author and motivational speaker, and a professor in the Department of Special Education at the University of Sourthern California.

While teaching at USC, Buscaglia was moved by a student’s suicide to contemplate human disconnectedness and the meaning of life, and began a non-credit class he called Love 1A. This became the basis for his first book, titled simply LOVE.” – Wikipedia




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB:

“When there’s chaos, the calm one prevails.” – AT

“One cannot reflect in streaming water. Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.” – Lao Tzu

Our world is in a state of crisis. It is nothing new. It is a constant thing. But each and every day, we can make a difference by choosing Awareness.

Being aware of our action and reaction to the crisis and conflicts in our inner world, can direct our contribution to our outer world.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Ghandhi

Last Thursday, a text and a call sent me into a fearful and panicked state, the twin triggers of anger and hate. In my state of distress, I turned to a friend I’ve come to respect on so many levels.

I value his approach to life, people and the little things. You can see how a person is with the bigger things, by observing the way they are with the seemingly insignificant, little things.

He is not perfect, but no one is. In some areas he admit he’s downright clueless, and apt to repeating the same painful experiences until he learns–but isn’t it the same with all of us?

With these things in mind, I looked to him for help.

He began by asking a series of questions to clarify a few things.

In my state of mind, there was no helping me. It was like trying to walk across a field planted with old explosive land mines.

Instead of fighting fire with fire, I am grateful he maintained his calm composure and fixed his eyes on the problem, never averting it to the person who is making him the problem now.

Even when I told him to forget it, he kept a steady gaze towards finding a solution instead of backing off and leaving me to my misery.

“…my dear friend, I just want you to assess the situation and know what kind of a person you are dealing with at the moment. 

Every word or action draws a reaction.

If shit happened, so be it, it’s about finding a solution now correct (?).

There are ways to solve a problem like this, just try to understand the nature of this aggressiveness, and maybe we’ll (find) the best solution together.

When there’s chaos, the calm one prevails.” – AT

internalpeaceAs we’re mindful of a world in crisis, let’s extend our mindfulness to the simple, little things.

“Every word or action draws a reaction.”

“When there’s chaos, the calm one prevails.”

Are we contributing a problem or a solution? Are we adding more fuel to fire and playing our parts as agents of fear and anger and hatred and war? Or are we making space for peace by working on our inner peace?

Let it begin with me.

Let it begin with you.

Let it begin with us. 




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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