Your life is your Adventure. There will be obstacles to overcome, to show you your hidden strength and power. And then there will be ‘villains’, whose mission in life seems to be to make yours more difficult or miserable. Why is that?
That is the question I found myself asking myself over and over again last whole week. WHY?
Why is he / she treating me this way?
It hurts, when the person you care about, is the one acting like a villain. They have no awareness of the pain they’re causing.
It hurts when all you wanted is to show that you care, but that person is treating you like an enemy.
It hurts even more, when you’re experiencing this on a constant repeat cycle, with him / her. It’s exhausting. It’s unhealthy.
You know you don’t deserve this, neither does he / she, or anyone else for that matter.
And yet, if you’re like me, you may find yourself knocking on that same door, wishing against reality, to be invited in. Or if that door opens with a promise of a welcome, just as you stick one foot in, you find it slammed in your face–again and again. What kind of a cruel game are they playing?
But the bigger question is, why are we playing this game, with them?
I asked myself this question over the weekend, and the answer that came was a lesson I’ve already learnt, but needed to be reminded of AGAIN:
“This is your inner cry, wanting to be loved.
This is why you keep going back to him / her for assurance of love. Recognise that a person can only love you to the degree that they love themselves. The way he / she is treating is, is the way they treat themselves. You cannot expect anymore than they can give right now.
So why do you keep going back to this limited source of love? What is this habit, showing you about YOU?
Can you think of this situation as a mirror, showing you another lesson in Self-Love?
Open your eyes.
See how much you are loved. See the loving people you DO HAVE in your life. Why focus on the ONE that you do NOT have? Human nature.
Stop demanding love from a person that can’t love you any more. Start loving yourself more.
Can YOU do that?”
The answer is Yes I can. But the fact remains that it still hurts. So in desperation for a relief to my pain and frustration, I broke my rule about never contacting him again. I didn’t get any reply. In fact, the pain got worst for putting myself out on a limb and being ignored. It’s driving me up the wall that there’s nothing to numb this pain. There’s no relief!
But herein lies another opportunity for growth. The quiet and painful wisdom that sprung from within, gave me the only truth that I needed:
“So feel the pain.
Remember how this feels like. Remember it. Don’t ever forget it…
…and don’t ever do this to another person… AGAIN.”
I was taken aback with that one. But instantly, I knew the truth of it. I knew that I too have been guilty of this in the past. I too have put someone who cared for me, through this same miserable experience.
But I was not in awareness of it at that time. I had no awareness of the deep-seated pain and fear that drove me to inflict that same pain and stress on someone else. I believe he’s now acting in unawareness too…
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” – Pema Chödrön
If you’ve been going through the same struggle as I have, I hope this post will shine some Light your way! May you find your way back to Love…
“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” – Pema Chödrön
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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