“Loss is a place where self-knowledge & powerful transformation can happen–if we have the courage to participate fully in the process.
We all face many ‘deaths’ within our lives.The choice is whether these deaths will be terminal (crushing our spirit & life) or will open us up to new possibilities & depths of transformation.”– Peter Szazzero.
It’s been some time–more than a year for Pumpkin and Ponyo, and nearly a year, for Patches and Peaches. And yet, I can’t get over the fact that they’re gone now. I think about them often and miss them badly.
They’re my pet Goldfish by the way, the best of their kind–besides Pebbles.
I feel like I failed the four of them. I wish I could turn back time and do better. As always, all I’m left with is a sense of remorse and deep regret…
…There is nothing I could do to bring them back now. No second chances.
I’ve often responded with tears and sadness–nothing more, nothing less.
But in the quiet of my morning devotion, while nursing the aching I felt…
…I heard this gentle question again, “Can YOU forgive YOU?”
As I pondered that question… I realised that my answer is No.
I could’ve saved their lives. There were so many things I could’ve done and should’ve known. They were so full of life, so full of love, and brought so much happiness into my life. Look what I did to them… It’s all my fault!
I am not ready to forgive me yet… I don’t want me to forget.
…Then, I heard a gentle answer within, “You know you Loved them.”
“Think about all the times you spent trying to make them happy.
Think about that trip to Singapore just to get Patches medicine.
Don’t you see a girl who tried her best? Love her… forgive her.”
I really didn’t want to… but I know I owe it to myself to at least try.
By the end of that few minutes of trying, the tears stopped flowing.
…I’m not sure if I’ve fully forgiven myself.
But the next time I miss them–before sending me packing on a guilt trip–I’ll remember a very important question, “Can YOU forgive YOU?”
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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