What do we know about Loving Relationships? Invest 45 Amazing Minutes with Leo Buscaglia for an expansion of perspective… “Life is a celebration of ALL relationships, not just the limitations of a man and a woman and a marriage…” – Leo Buscaglia

“There’s so many myths about relationships… the minute I talk about loving relationships, everybody immediately flashes on MAN-WOMAN-MARRIAGE.

And we forget that that’s only ONE relationship in our lives.

Think of a myriad of others. Think of mommas, of pappas, of sisters, of brothers, of neighbours, of friends, of in-laws, of co-workers and they go on and on and on…

And life is a celebration of all those relationships, not just the limitations of a man and a woman and a marriage… If that’s all you do, you’re going to be lost.

You’ve got to go out and bring in these others, because they feed you, they nourish you, they make you healthy…” – Leo Buscaglia

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

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“Love can be found in the person we find the hardest to love.”

“Love can be found in the person we find the hardest to love.”

This thought just came to mind, seemingly out of nowhere. It’s coming for a reason. 

I resent it. 
I resist it. 

But I can’t stop the Awareness…

flower

“Love can be found in the person we find the hardest to love.”

Just think about that.

ps: …the person we find the hardest to love, includes ourselves. Love You.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” ― Pema Chödrön

Your life is your Adventure. There will be obstacles to overcome, to show you your hidden strength and power. And then there will be ‘villains’, whose mission in life seems to be to make yours more difficult or miserable. Why is that?

That is the question I found myself asking myself over and over again last whole week. WHY?

Why is he / she treating me this way?

It hurts, when the person you care about, is the one acting like a villain. They have no awareness of the pain they’re causing.

It hurts when all you wanted is to show that you care, but that person is treating you like an enemy. 

It hurts even more, when you’re experiencing this on a constant repeat cycle, with him / her.  It’s exhausting. It’s unhealthy.

You know you don’t deserve this, neither does he / she, or anyone else for that matter.

And yet, if you’re like me, you may find yourself knocking on that same door, wishing against reality, to be invited in. Or if that door opens with a promise of a welcome, just as you stick one foot in, you find it slammed in your face–again and again. What kind of a cruel game are they playing?

But the bigger question is, why are we playing this game, with them?

I asked myself this question over the weekend, and the answer that came was a lesson I’ve already learnt, but needed to be reminded of AGAIN:

“This is your inner cry, wanting to be loved.

This is why you keep going back to him / her for assurance of love. Recognise that a person can only love you to the degree that they love themselves. The way he / she is treating is, is the way they treat themselves. You cannot expect anymore than they can give right now.

So why do you keep going back to this limited source of love? What is this habit, showing you about YOU?

Can you think of this situation as a mirror, showing you another lesson in Self-Love?

Open your eyes.

See how much you are loved. See the loving people you DO HAVE in your life. Why focus on the ONE that you do NOT have? Human nature.

Stop demanding love from a person that can’t love you any more. Start loving yourself more.

Can YOU do that?”

The answer is Yes I can. But the fact remains that it still hurts. So in desperation for a relief to my pain and frustration, I broke my rule about never contacting him again. I didn’t get any reply. In fact, the pain got worst for putting myself out on a limb and being ignored. It’s driving me up the wall that there’s nothing to numb this pain. There’s no relief!

But herein lies another opportunity for growth. The quiet and painful wisdom that sprung from within, gave me the only truth that I needed:

“So feel the pain.

Remember how this feels like. Remember it. Don’t ever forget it…

…and don’t ever do this to another person… AGAIN.”

I was taken aback with that one. But instantly, I knew the truth of it. I knew that I too have been guilty of this in the past. I too have put someone who cared for me, through this same miserable experience.

But I was not in awareness of it at that time. I had no awareness of the deep-seated pain and fear that drove me to inflict that same pain and stress on someone else. I believe he’s now acting in unawareness too…

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” – Pema Chödrön

If you’ve been going through the same struggle as I have, I hope this post will shine some Light your way! May you find your way back to Love…

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” – Pema Chödrön

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“Each person in your life is sent there for your benefit and to teach you a lesson.” – Mastin Kipp

Love this post by Mastin Kipp: “If, for some strange reason, you have or still keep attracting lovers who only end up causing you pain, today’s words are for you.

Each person in your life is sent there for your benefit and to teach you a lesson. The lesson could be how to trust yourself. The lesson could be that you are loved. The lesson could be to heal a wound from your past, or perhaps, the lesson could be forgiveness.

Now, think about this. If someone is sent into your life to teach you forgiveness, how else could you learn the lesson of forgiveness than by being betrayed or let down by someone you care for deeply? Or, if the lesson is to teach you how to trust yourself, then how else could you learn except by getting into a relationship where you KNEW from the beginning that is wasn’t good for you, but you proceeded anyway?

Some lessons come bearing pain; others come bearing great pleasure and reward. YOUR task is to see the people who are coming in and out of your life from a larger perspective and ask yourself what you are learning from each person. YOU have consciously or unconsciously chosen who the people are in your life.

As a result, you are either consciously or unconsciously signing up for a lesson from each person you allow into your life experience. If you keep choosing people to fill your life experience who you know deep down aren’t healthy for you, but that being with them is better than being alone, then you are signing up for a painful lesson, AGAIN, about how to trust yourself.

You will keep attracting people into your life who leave that painful aftertaste until you start to trust yourself. Then, slowly but surely, your life will begin to change.

When you trust yourself and ask more of The Uni-verse, your attraction point changes and the people in your life change as a result.

If you want to attract that loving person, then ask more from The Uni-verse.

Embrace being alone. Accept that it will happen in perfect time, but not necessarily on YOUR schedule. Forgive past lovers, for they have only come bearing the gift of a lesson. When you forgive, you create more room in your life for BIG LOVE.

Feel the pain, but then step back and see the lesson. Next time, learn from the past and make a new choice.

You are the co-creator of your life with the choices you make. Do you want to keep making the same mistake, or are you ready to graduate and experience BIG LOVE in your life? The choice is yours ­ make it consciously, and make it TODAY!”

Lots of LOVE,
Mastin

Read this gem of an article from The Daily Love ❤ Disclaimer: Just because I share an insight by Mastin / The Daily Love, does not mean I am aligned with their teachings / programmes in all its entirety. There will always be things we agree with /don’t agree with. Please apply personal discernment. Take what you can use, leave out the rest.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Allowing Guilt To Serve You

At work today, a pang of guilt just came out from nowhere and took me by surprise. My question was, “Why?” Why am I feeling this way now? Could there be a reason for all this?

My mind was flooded with painful memories of how my beloved goldfish, Patches and Peaches, had died. Though they were both ill, I have come to realise eventually that what killed them wasn’t entirely their sickness or disease.

It actually had a lot more to do with me and my own ignorance, unawareness, stubbornness and poor listening skills.

Patches was in a real bad shape, and I had gone down all the way to Singapore to see someone and also to hunt down some Parzi for my baby. I couldn’t wait to bring the meds home so he could get well.

Apparently, he was still eating before I got back. But on the night that I got home, I did a water change, introduced him to the meds and he stopped eating. I had not put two and two together at that time, that perhaps his refusal to eat was a sign that something really wasn’t right.

When I got up at 3 in the morning to check on him again, I saw peaches in her tank, huddled at a corner, looking down below into the blue tub where Patches was quarantined. The moment she saw me, she whipped her tail and swam in the opposite direction–a sign that she’s upset…

And I soon discovered why. There below was Patches, still looking like he’s sleeping, except that he was really gone this time… My heart broke.

I had really hoped that he would get well and live on forever…

I didn’t understand why he was gone the same night I got back.

So I repeated that mistake with Peaches, when she too fell sick.

Patches & Pebbles

Pebbles & Patches

Peaches, Pebbles & Patches

Peaches & Pebbles

It was only when I had spent endless hours and days and weeks and months grieving and agonizing over their death and wondering WHY over and over again when the reason became so clear to me one day.

Aunty Christine, the kind lady whom I had stayed with in Singapore had told me how her whole bucket of kois died after she gave them way too much medicine. “Only a few drops will do.”

But I, always thinking I know better, did what I felt was right.

I dropped two cap fulls of Parzi into Patches’s water. I do believe now that he died from an OD. And the same might be said for Peaches. I will never be 100% sure and there will always be a million and one other reasons that could’ve contributed to their early demise–but on my part, I am sure I was hugely responsible for their sudden departure, too.

And for that, I couldn’t forgive myself for a long time.

The guilt and sadness of knowing that you killed your own baby with your own bare hands–that’s a hard thing to live with. I loved them so much and wanted the best for them. But my ignorance didn’t help. I wasn’t paying attention to the details of their body language. I didn’t listen. And it cost two innocent goldfish their life.

So I felt so much fury at myself today, while at work.

I was kicking air under my table, partially wanting to give my own ass a kicking if that were possible.

But I was also largely aware that this must all be coming up for a reason?  Why now? Why am I suddenly feeling this way?

I thought I have been through this before and have decided to let myself off the hook when I came into awareness that the root of my sorrow and grief over my goldfish was my unforgiveness towards myself. So why are these negative feelings of guilt surfacing now, of all times?

Soon as I threw out the question why,

I began to see a clear parallel and lesson.

I loved my goldfish so much.

So did The Loved Ones in my life.

I wanted the best for them.

So did The Loved Ones in my life.

Out of my ignorance, unawareness, stubbornness and poor listening skills, I made things worst for my goldfish instead of the best I was hoping for them.

So did The Loved Ones in my life.

I really, really, didn’t mean to hurt them.

So did The Loved Ones in my life.

But I messed it up–and repeated my mistake more than once!

So did The Loved Ones in my life.

The fact is, I really, really loved them.

And I’m sure The Loved Ones in my life really, really loved me too.

I didn’t mean for them to be in pain.

I’m sure The Loved Ones in my life didn’t mean for me to be in pain too.

This mental dialogue went on for a while until a point was made.

I began to understand that I had asked for this. I had prayed for a bigger capacity to love and forgive a specific loved one. I didn’t know how that might happen…

…till this.

*It was only when I got in touch with my own humanness, weaknesses and brokenness that I remembered I too have been guilty of the same.

*If silly me deserved forgiveness and grace, what more These Loved Ones in my life.

*I just need to put myself in their shoes… must not be easy being the one living with guilt.

*I also learnt once again, the importance of feeling our emotions, acknowledging it and letting it go.

Could your guilt or ‘negative’ feelings serve you today? 

There’s always a reason and lesson for everything. Ask Why…

…then be ready. The answers will come, in all shapes and forms.

Accept the truth–no matter how hurtful it may be to know the truth at first–because in the end, the truth really does sets you free.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Self-Love Means, I Will Not Betray Myself For Love Or Break The Promises I Make To Myself – My Actions Will Align With My Values And Beliefs

Have you ever considered this radical idea, that the worst betrayals you’ve ever experienced, are those which you are solely responsible for?

That instead of being ‘The Betrayed’,  you’ve switched roles to ‘The Betrayer’?

It’s an unsettling thought, but it can be a powerful one if you’re ready for it to release you from the role of the victim, to grow into the victor. One way to do that is to face the darkness within you as your own ‘victimizer’.

What do I mean by this?

Let me begin by asking: Have you ever broken promises you’ve made to yourself? Chances are, you’d answer yes–I know I have, all the time.

So how does that make you feel about yourself? Speaking for me–not too great to be honest. I want to be a ‘man of my word’ kind of person.

I want others to be able to trust in me.

But first, I must be able to trust myself.

Can I love myself enough to honour my values and beliefs?

The first time I came to see myself as ‘The Betrayer’ is during my last Silent Retreat, 3 months ago. It’s beautiful how, when our minds and hearts are clear of distraction and our focus is on the One, everything else becomes clearer. Deep, hidden things you never knew about yourself starts to come up to the surface, sometimes in a dream in the night.

I woke up one morning feeling especially disturbed.

This recurring dream is a painful one that I loathe. Not only do I have to deal with having unwanted people in my dream, always, he’s unhappy.

This time, we are meeting at a cafe, and I was there to say my goodbye.

But in the distance, I could see that she was coming right up to our table. In all my previous dream, that would be my cue to leave. This time, it was different. I wanted to fight for what used to be rightfully mine–but wasn’t anymore. So this time, I held on to him, not with my hands, but with my leg, under the table, clinging on with such intensity, I was awakened.

Anger rocked through my body at the break of dawn.

The feelings of injustice, and the pain of having to relive a betrayal over and over again felt like a searing hot wound that’s been ripped open for the millionth time. What a nightmare.

But then, as I stayed in bed, wondering the reason WHY I’m having these dreams, the Light of Truth came shining through, quietly and gently…

…Pointing me to see from a different perspective, I saw for the first time, how in my time of pain and need for love, I was willing to be the shadow figure, doing things ‘under the table’ to regain what I’d already lost…

…The wrong way. The dishonest way.

I saw, to my shock, The Betrayer, in me.

That stank. I felt disgusted with myself.

Truth Hurts. But It Sets You Free!

Being able to see myself as no different from the ones I felt who have wronged me, and coming in touch with the ugliness that is also a part of me, was humbling to say the least.

It led me to the greater miracle of forgiveness: Letting Go.

Something happened that day. It was as if, my inner cries of betrayal was hushed to a peaceful calm within, after having seen myself in the mirror.

I never again, had those recurring nightmare.

In awakening to The Betrayer that is in me,

I am able to forgive The Betrayer in others. 

I am able to see the pain and fear that led me down that path, and am once again reminded of the pain and fear that led them down that path.

I can choose not to betray myself for ‘love’ or break promises I make to myself. I can choose to align my actions with my values and beliefs.

Of course, I don’t always walk the talk–sometimes I’m not even trying!

But Self-Love means, accepting the fact that I’m human, being wise enough to learn from my own mistakes, and being grateful for another day of learning  to Love and to Forgive–both myself and others.

The desire is already there within you, to be Honourable. It’s inbuilt into your conscience to be Trustworthy. The idea is to keep practicing what you say you believe in. It’ll be a challenging workout–but it gets easier. 😉

“Live High, Live Mighty, Live Righteously.” – Jason Mraz

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Grief & Loss

“Loss is a place where self-knowledge & powerful transformation can happen–if we have the courage to participate fully in the process.

We all face many ‘deaths’ within our lives.The choice is whether these deaths will be terminal (crushing our spirit & life) or will open us up to new possibilities & depths of transformation.”– Peter Szazzero.

‎~

It’s been some time–more than a year for Pumpkin and Ponyo, and nearly a year, for Patches and Peaches. And yet, I can’t get over the fact that they’re gone now. I think about them often and miss them badly.

They’re my pet Goldfish by the way, the best of their kind–besides Pebbles.

I feel like I failed the four of them. I wish I could turn back time and do better. As always, all I’m left with is a sense of remorse and deep regret…

…There is nothing I could do to bring them back now. No second chances.

I’ve often responded with tears and sadness–nothing more, nothing less.

But in the quiet of my morning devotion, while nursing the aching I felt…

…I heard this gentle question again, “Can YOU forgive YOU?”

As I pondered that question… I realised that my answer is No.

I could’ve saved their lives. There were so many things I could’ve done and should’ve known. They were so full of life, so full of love, and brought so much happiness into my life. Look what I did to them… It’s all my fault!

I am not ready to forgive me yet… I don’t want me to forget.

…Then, I heard a gentle answer within, “You know you Loved them.”

“Think about all the times you spent trying to make them happy.

Think about that trip to Singapore just to get Patches medicine.

Don’t you see a girl who tried her best? Love her… forgive her.”

~

I really didn’t want to… but I know I owe it to myself to at least try.

By the end of that few minutes of trying, the tears stopped flowing.

…I’m not sure if  I’ve fully forgiven myself.

But the next time I miss them–before sending me packing on a guilt trip–I’ll remember a very important question, “Can YOU forgive YOU?”

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture