“Believe In A Love That Is Stored Up For You Like An Inheritance.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Today, if you’re tired from the pain, anger, struggle and sorrow. If you’re longing for peace and quiet, in the midst of the noise, conflicts, and anxieties that are stirring up a storm within. Return to an awareness, of Love. Return to the Resting place of Love, within you.

Return to a knowing that there’s a wealth of Love stored up for you like an inheritance. Draw from this Love that resides within you.

Enter into a moment of silence and stillness. You can do this anywhere, anytime, by cultivating an Awareness. Listen in. Can you hear Love’s invitation to you, from within? “Rest your bones with me. Take all your tired and weary sighs, and rest your bones with Me.” – Reblog from an original posting on 24.04.13, on The Love Culture

“Bones and ashes… bones and ashes… one day, I’ll be bones and ashes…

That’s the thought that crossed my mind, as I took a quiet walk through the showroom upstairs, where urns of crystal jades or biodegradable orbs are displayed like a private collection of exotic pots and prized vases.

As a writer, it’s important for me to get a feel of this place. It’s my client’s business afterall. My colleagues are downstairs having a meeting in Mandarin. For the millionth time, I wished I could comprehend the language. But for now, I am free to explore this building on my own.

As a centre of funeral and bereavement care, I think they’ve done a commendable job. The attention to details, aesthetics, and ambience, are thoughtfully combined to create a serene atmosphere for the grieving.

“Bones and ashes… bones and ashes… one day, I’ll be bones and ashes…

The chandeliers above and the orchids in the corner creates a sense of beauty and familiarity, like you’ve walked into a living room from an I.D magazine, and yet, the mahagony casket with ‘The Last Supper’ finishing or the solid bed of bronze reminds you that this is a departure lounge.

I think about regrets… and how one day it won’t matter anymore. One day, I’ll be bones and ashes… This pain… anger… struggle… sorrow… all that noise churning up a storm within… one day, it will all be quiet.

One day, all these will pale in comparison to Having Loved and Being Loved. But somedays, sometimes, it gets hard to believe that love is all.

“I feel like I have nothing… I am nothing,” said a friend once.

Her words are not hers alone. I am all too familiar with that feeling and I believe the same fear is quietly weighing on the hearts of many. Over the years, I’ve been tracing this fear and feelings of insignificance back to my false assumptions of what Love and Happiness should look and be like.

Loosing that attachment to the appearances of things, and being open to Love as it presents itself in all its ways and form have been liberating.

The truth is, right here, right now, we have Everything because of Love.

This Love,

is in us to grow, is for us to live, and is ours to gift as we choose.

The daily challenge is for us to come into remembrance of our inheritance.

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

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“Believe In A Love That Is Stored Up For You Like An Inheritance.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Today, if you’re tired from the pain, anger, struggle and sorrow. If you’re longing for peace and quiet, in the midst of the noise, conflicts, and anxieties that are stirring up a storm within. Return to an awareness, of Love. Return to the Resting place of Love, within you.

Return to a knowing that there’s a wealth of Love stored up for you like an inheritance. Draw from this Love that resides within you.

Enter into a moment of silence and stillness. You can do this anywhere, anytime, by cultivating an Awareness. Listen in. Can you hear Love’s invitation to you, from within? “Rest your bones with me. Take all your tired and weary sighs, and rest your bones with Me.”

“Bones and ashes… bones and ashes… one day, I’ll be bones and ashes…

That’s the thought that crossed my mind, as I took a quiet walk through the showroom upstairs, where urns of crystal jades or biodegradable orbs are displayed like a private collection of exotic pots and prized vases.

As a writer, it’s important for me to get a feel of this place. It’s my client’s business afterall. My colleagues are downstairs having a meeting in Mandarin. For the millionth time, I wished I could comprehend the language. But for now, I am free to explore this building on my own.

As a centre of funeral and bereavement care, I think they’ve done a commendable job. The attention to details, aesthetics, and ambience, are thoughtfully combined to create a serene atmosphere for the grieving.

“Bones and ashes… bones and ashes… one day, I’ll be bones and ashes…

The chandeliers above and the orchids in the corner creates a sense of beauty and familiarity, like you’ve walked into a living room from an I.D magazine, and yet, the mahagony casket with ‘The Last Supper’ finishing or the solid bed of bronze reminds you that this is a departure lounge.

I think about regrets… and how one day it won’t matter anymore. One day, I’ll be bones and ashes… This pain… anger… struggle… sorrow… all that noise churning up a storm within… one day, it will all be quiet.

One day, all these will pale in comparison to Having Loved and Being Loved. But somedays, sometimes, it gets hard to believe that love is all.

“I feel like I have nothing… I am nothing,” said a friend once.

Her words are not hers alone. I am all too familiar with that feeling and I believe the same fear is quietly weighing on the hearts of many. Over the years, I’ve been tracing this fear and feelings of insignificance back to my false assumptions of what Love and Happiness should look and be like.

Loosing that attachment to the appearances of things, and being open to Love as it presents itself in all its ways and form have been liberating.

The truth is, right here, right now, we have Everything because of Love.

This Love,

is in us to grow, is for us to live, and is ours to gift as we choose.

The daily challenge is for us to come into remembrance of our inheritance.

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Lessons On Living From The Dying And The Dead

As I was posting my thoughts on this quote, “What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it”, mom walks by. She tells me that the grandfather who was hospitalised recently had just passed away.

“Oh,” I kept typing and writing.

Lately, she’s been receiving so many of such news. So and so got hit and mugged and hospitalised and is in coma. So and so fell down and is in coma. So and so suddenly passed on. And the list goes on.

It’s not what I’d like to hear first thing in the morning, but I guess there isn’t a “good time” to share these kind of things so it can’t be helped.

But to be honest, when she first broke the news, I wasn’t surprised and I wasn’t moved. Maybe I’m numbed by it all but a few seconds was all it took for me to realise I’m being selfish.

When the awareness of my attitude hit me, I paused what I was doing.

Mom was already halfway down the stairs when I responded more to the news. He is Jeffery’s father, and we see them at church most Sundays.

I don’t even know his name… All I remember is that I saw him sitting alone by the pillar once and served him Chinese tea. His whole face lighted up from that simple gesture and I remember his smiling eyes.

I wonder if that’s the reason why I got an Ang Pow from him this year? When I bumped into him at the car park I thanked him and he was all smiles and laughs again. He is such a joyful person.

I cannot remember what we said for that few seconds, but the point is that we connected briefly before he left.

Ironically, earlier this morning, I grabbed a book to read, and of all books, it was Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. It’s about a young man recording the last dying moments of an old man–and the lessons learnt.

A passage caught my eye.

“…he refused to be depressed. Instead, Morrie had become a lightning rod of ideas. He jotted down his thoughts on yellow pads, envelopes, folders, scrap paper. He wrote bite-sized philosophies about living with death’s shadow:

“Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do”; “Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it”; “Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others”. “Don’t assume that it’s too late to get involved.”

More than an Ang Pow, that is The Grandfather’s gift to me today.

Lessons on living.

It’s the simple things–like serving an elderly a cup of tea–that fills a heart with Joy. Take the time to notice them–all they want is to be noticed. They don’t ask for much. Are they not worth our time?

“Give me a second…” this silent request is in the eyes of every living being. Who are you noticing today? Who are you acknowledging?

Today, I want to remember to notice what I’m noticing… To be more present to the people around me and acknowledge their presence in my life… Sometimes, all it takes is just a few seconds–those few seconds can mean so much more when I let others be a part of it. 

Right now, in my mind’s eye, I can still see his smiling eyes. What a Gift.

Every second of your life matters. Who are you sharing it with today?

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

When You Feel Like You’re ‘Dying’, Could It Be You’re At A Point Of Growing Into A New Way Of Living?

“Though an egg appears to be like the stone of a tomb, a bird hatches from it with life.” – wiki

Just thought I’d share a bit of what I’m reading from the pages of ‘When The Heart Waits’ by Sue Monk Kidd. 

“…Julian of Norwich wrote that our wounds become the womb. This touching image points us to the awareness that transformation hinges on our ability to turn our pain (the tomb) into a fertile place where life is birthed (the womb).

…One way we coax the life of the new self is by living the questions that inhibit our dark night, by dwelling creatively with the unresolved inside us.

I lived with the questions about who I had been and who I was becoming, and about whether the growth was worth the pain, risk, and upheaval. I lived with the questions about how to adopt parts of myself that I had orphaned, how to heal old wounds, how to relate to an expanding vision of God and the world.

I didn’t like the disorder and the anxiety the questions produced, and I didn’t like the unknowing.

At the height of all this I came upon a little book by the poet Rainer Maria Rilke. It altered the way I felt about the questions. Here’s part of what I read: 

“I beg you… to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

…When we extinguish questions from our lives, there’s little if any developing consciousness. We block ourselves from new truths and possibilities.” – When The Heart Waits, Sue Monk Kidd.

IMAGINE: I found a dinosaur’s egg the other day…

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Love… While You Can, When You Can.

Have you ever wondered “What If?” and allowed Fear to come in between you and Love–in the present?

The better question we can ask is this instead, “What would Love do now?”

My biggest lesson for this week is to Love… While you can, when you can.

Last Tuesday, was the first time I saw Sweetie. He was the only one of his kind…

…swimming in a blue tub, mixed up with two black moors, much bigger in size.

He paddled frantically to hide when he saw me, docking himself next to a black moor. I only had a top view of Sweetie. Since he wouldn’t budge from his hide-out, that was that. We left him at the shop that day.

But I was feeling a tug of war.

To bring him home?
To leave him there?

…but I kept thinking “What If?”

“What if I go all the way back, but don’t feel like bringing him home?”
“What if no one keeps an eye on him while I’m at work in July?”

“What if we move by end of the year and there’ll be logistical issues?”
“What if I leave for NZ next year and there’s no one to care for him?”

If I knew then what I know now.

That I’d only have 2 days and 2 nights with him, plus 30 minutes…

…I would’ve brought him home sooner.

By the time I went to see him for the second time on Sunday, his tub was overcrowded with black moors–freshly stocked. Poor sweetie, a tiny thing surrounded by giants, was left there to fend for himself.

My friend Pam had came along for this unplanned trip to the petstore so we both got to look at his face for the first time in the viewing tank that day. It was love at first sight! But we were both also aware that he sank right to the bottom of the tank when scooped up for us to see. His blood-streaked fins indicated that he was severely stressed and not feeling well.

I knew though, this time, I couldn’t just walk away and leave him there.

I was aware I would be bringing home a sick goldfish to care for.

After all the pain and grief and heartache from the loss of Pumpkin, Ponyo, Peaches, Patches, Pebbles, I had some reservations. Why risk getting hurt again? But loving Sweetie felt like the natural thing to do…

I’m glad I chose Love over Fear.

The last 2 days and 2 nights filled Pam’s heart and mine with so much awe, gratitude and wonderment for this tiny and handsome goldfish.

It’s true what they say…

“Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”

Bringing home Sweetie was a great decision I wish I made sooner.

But more than that, I guess the biggest lesson of all for me…

…and for us all,

Is to always, always, always,

Love.

While we can.

When we can.

He refused to eat on his first day home… my heart sank. If there’s anything a goldfish loves doing, it’s eating. And when they don’t… it means goodbye.

Have you seen a face cuter than his? He’s got such a cartoon face it’s surreal. Heart-meltingly adorable…

In the petstore, he’s already lost his ability to float or swim. So when I brought him back home, it was no different. But he kept wiggling his tail and hands (front fins) and propelled himself all over the tank.

*Most adorable picture of Sweetie by his god-mother, Pam. It was love at first sight when we saw his face.

“We love you lots, Sweetie. And we’re sad you have to go. Someday we’ll be together again. Thank you for coming into our lives–you’re a gift from heaven above, and we’re glad to have met you, before you went back home. 

Love,

Mish

****

The Love Culture – A Loving Way Of Being

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Love Is A Gentle Sorrow

Love is a gentle sorrow…

Despite the sadness, there is no crushing guilt.

Despite the longing, there is no condemnation.

Despite the pain, there is no despair.

Despite the grief, there is no need to blame.

In quietness and in solitude, the tears flow, but willingly so, for having experienced the Joy of Love, and of being Loved.

In darkness and in waking, the heart sighs, but gratefully so, for the Gift that was given, and the days shared together.

In gentleness and in love, the spirit mourns, but freely so, for assurance from within, that your beloved in Heaven is free at last, to live a life of true Happiness, as such that can’t be imagined, while here on earth.

And so, looking up, I realised, more than anything else, I am happy thinking of how happy Pebbles must be right now…

…Love is a gentle sorrow.

So I’ve come to learn today.

I guess this song’s been stuck on repeat the past 3 days for a reason…

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Love Never Dies… It Merely Changes Form.

It’s heartbreaking, waking up to the reality that Pebs is gone. I stayed in bed crying and wondering why…

Blaming myself for the million things that I should’ve, would’ve, could’ve done seemed the easier solution.

But I’ve been through this before and I know this won’t help…

…and it’s not the entire truth (if it can be called truth at all).

The truth is, I really, really, really loved Pebbles my Goldfish.

I took my time cleaning off her tank, filter and other things today.

The water may smell… but it’s the water Pebs swam in. A part of her is still in there… and draining it down the sink was like pouring the last remaining bit of her away.

I kept taking breaks in between… to just stare at the tank, imagining the way she comes up to play, or looks at me, or dives at the food, or goes to sleep, or stay up late. Or I just sit there and cry.

There was a moment, when the sight of yellow butterflies flying in and out of the forest caught my eye, even as tears streaming down my face was clouding my vision.

I went up to the couch by the window to get a closer look. There were so many of them out today. All of them were yellow… the colour of sunshine.

Earlier in the day, the song “you are the sunshine of my life,” was playing in my head as I was thinking of happy days with Pebs.

So I kept staring at the yellow butterflies, wondering if perhaps, they were here to send me a message?

And then, all of a sudden, I saw a single butterfly that was a striking blue…

The last time this happened, was pretty phenomenal. I was majorly depressed, and I had lost my reason to smile for a long time. I was looking up the sky as I was walking up the hill on the way home, angrily directing my thoughts Above.

“God! I feel all alone in this world now! I’m not even sure if You’re hearing this… I’m not even sure if You’re real! Or if there’s a God!”

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bunch of white butterflies rose up from the bush beside me and surrounded me like a hurricane. I stood rooted on the ground, struck by the awesomeness of what just happened… and then noticed that one of the butterfly, was a striking blue! A smile broke across my face at the wonder of it all, which was the time the butterflies flew away and disappeared, as if their mission had been accomplished.

I knew that my question had just been answered. I am not alone in this world. He heard me. And He cares. And He is very real… I am assured.

As I continued gazing at the butterflies outside the window, a reassuring voice of comfort, came to me from within.

“Pebs didn’t die… like the butterfly, she merely changed forms. And now, she is flying free… in heaven.”

Later in the afternoon, I decided to console myself with “Brother Bear.” I had no idea what the story was about when I had bought the VCD. I was hunting for a happy movie last night, and saw this cartoon in the RM5 corner. A friend had liked it on facebook, so I assumed (something I’ve been consciously trying to do less and less these days) that it has to be meaningful…

…but true enough, from the start of the story, there were many lessons to be learnt. It begins by saying, “The world is full of magic…” 

*Cue a beautiful animation of the Aurora Borealis / Northern Lights… Loved ones and friends would know just how crazy I am over the Revontuli, as the Finnish calls them in Lapland. So I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it swirling and dancing before me–as if to cheer me up!*

It goes on to say, “Ever changing lights, that dance across the skies… they have the power to change things. Small things becomes big, winter turns to spring, one thing always changes into another…”

I tend to look at this line, a little more philosophically, of course.

We are the ‘ever changing lights’ symbolised by the Aurora Borealis in the cartoon…

…and we have the power to change things.

Small, seemingly insignificant things, can grow and become big before our very eyes, when watered with Love…

Seasons of cold, loneliness and darkness symbolised by Winter can turn into the warmth of life and colours and light, like Spring time…

“…one thing, always changes into another.”

I understood this completely… When the earlier pair of Oranda goldfish, Ponyo and Pumpkin died… we kept hunting and hunting for the exact same pair. We never found one of course–there is no other like them! We thought that we’d never love another goldfish the way we loved them…

But we were wrong.

We ended up discovering three of the most amazing Ranchus, Patches, Peaches and Pebbles, a different breed of goldfish. They were as different from the earlier pair, as night is from day, and special in their own ways.

In the end, our hearts were filled with so much love for them, because they were every bit as lovable as the earlier two.

The idea all along, is not to be attached to the one… to how Love should appear to be, and to just let it flow, and go with the flow–just let Love be.

It’s funny and beautiful too, that the song that comes up after this significant scene in the cartoon, has a verse that goes, “Every corner we turn, leads to another… a journey ends, but another begins.”

My journey with Pebbles ends here, on 29th April 2012, the day she passed on unexpectedly.

I cannot imagine right now, how the next few days will be. All I know is that I keep turning around in my seat at the computer to look for her… but she’s not there. Everytime I come upstairs expecting to see her in her tank… she’s not there. After 1 year and 7 months with us… she’s not here anymore. She’s stuck around for so long… kept me company through all my ups and down. And she was the reason why I loved waking up in the morning, and coming home. I feel absolutely lost from this loss…

And then, as if knowing how lost I feel, the next scene in “Brother Bear” unfolds where NaNa, the grandmother is talking to her grandson Kenai.

“Some of us use Courage to guide us, others Patience. And then some of us Beauty… to be a man, your actions must be guided by one thing…” 

She hands him a carved wood in the shape of a bear. “Your totem is LOVE.”

“What?!” Kenai is disappointed. He expected a Saber Tooth for Bravery…

“Yes, LOVE,” NaNa repeated herself.

“The bear of Love?” Kenai is very confused now, and very embarassed.

“LOVE… the one thing that connects all living things. LOVE is the most precious of totems. It reveals itself in unexpected ways. Let LOVE guide your actions… one day, you’ll be a man.”

Kenai shrugs her words off… and later ends up killing a bear.

As a lesson, Kenai is “transformed” into a bear, to help him understand what it’s like to walk in the shoes of another.

*Amazing how the idea of ‘transformation’ keeps flowing, from the butterfly, to the opening of the cartoon using the visual of the Aurora Borealis, and then now, in the form of a bear.*

“You’re going to get a new perspective,” Nana said wisely, aware that her grandson has transformed into a bear.

“…do you see the world in black and white, or in colours?” she asked, before disappearing and leaving the boy to go off on his own journey of self-discovery and growth, from a boy, to becoming the man that he is.

I miss Pebbles so much…

While she was here, it was white, it was light, it was perfect. Now, I just want to see the black… How can it be any other way, now that she’s not here? But here is NaNa, challenging me with a question…

“Do I see the world… in colours?”

I guess the yellow butterflies (+ one blue), appeared today for a reason… to help me see in colours. And rediscover this wisdom all over again:

Love Never Dies… It Merely Changes Form.

Pebs seen here in her quarantine tank back in Sept 2010…

“Heaven is not Heaven without you, Pebbles.”

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

A Reflection Of Love

‎LOVE is seen in the little things… in how you treat a ‘lesser creature’.

May we look deep within ourselves, see what causes us pain, and determine not to cause the same pain and suffering on other living, sentient beings.

As my dear uncle Roger would say, “Find a new sport”.

You’ll be surprised by how much more joy, deep satisfaction and happiness you’ll gain by saving an animal instead of ending its life prematurely for fun and games.

“Don’t play with food” is not just about table manners.

It’s about respecting the source of life that must be lost, for our own.

My admiration for a man whose heart is so yielded to a loving God, through his deep songs of Love to Him, has found a level ground in reality today–we’re only human and we’re bound to disappoint.

Today, I am allowed to see his human side, his love for hunting and the careless displays of his trophies for the world to see. The blood oozing out from the beautiful creature unto the snow and his happy grin as he clutches the horns of a wide-eyed deer, leaves me puzzled and saddened.

I too, have my own weaknesses and when scrutinised closely, will be a source of disappointment. I’m only human.

But it gives me hope that even in our imperfection, Perfect Love has been demonstrated for us. And everyday, is another chance to be a living reflection of Love, to the world.

Can we begin by loving His creation?

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Loss And Love Are Both From The Opposite Ends Of The Same Rainbow

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran.

I mourn the loss of a loved one I have come to know fondly as Nai-Nai, which means, grandmother.

She never married. Never had any children of her own. And yet, it is obvious for all to see, that her Presence and Absence were greatly felt…

…by the ones she loved.

In the 5 years that we’ve met, she’s often asked, “Kei Si Cham Cha, ah?” 

In the Chinese culture, when an elder asks you that question, literally, it means, “When will you serve (me) tea?” But its more an expression of desire to see you married, and to be served tea during the wedding’s tea ceremony, so they too can share in the sweetness of your happiness.

Most of all, it is pretty much an open declaration that you are loved.

~

It is in this moment of coming together, to grieve and mourn for our beloved Nai-Nai, that I was told by Mama, that they too, had mourned the loss of me… I was stunned. Who is Nai-Nai and Mama, in relation to me? 

Nai-Nai was the nanny of Mama, and she stayed on to become the nanny to Mama’s boys. And her boys were very good friends with this boy who stayed up the hill, but spent most of his time down the hill, at their home, doing what boys do best. They ate together, jammed together, fought together, laughed together, and through the years, grew up together.

Nai-Nai, Mama, Papa and the whole family, had embraced this boy from up the hill, like one of their own. When I came into the picture, I had not guessed, that I too, would come to be loved fiercely as one of their own.

After the break up, I learnt that the family had been heartbroken, along with me. And what they did to honour the sanctity of that loss, as I found out today, first from one of the boys, and then from Mama herself…

…silent me with Love. 

I didn’t know what to say.

Except, a quiet thank you.

“The best feeling in the world is knowing your Presence and Absence both mean something to someone.”

In her own way, this is Nai-Nai’s final gift to me.

~

I guess at the end of my grandmother story, all I’m trying to say is:

Are you willing to go through a painful time of Loss, to discover a beautiful depth of LoveThey are both from the opposite ends of the same rainbow. Your time of Loss, will eventually lead you to Love…

…Deeper, harder, stronger.

And sometimes, as Nai-Nai has so lovingly shown, Love is a Question.

~

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

1 Year Anniversary To The Death Of “Me”

AK’s “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart” is on repeat.

I haven’t been listening to it for some time now. But its haunting melody was singing in my head in the first few minutes running up to midnight:

The 1 Year Anniversary To The Death Of “Me”.

Last year this date, at exactly 3am, 3 hours before boarding the flight to Chiang Mai, I found out it’s the end of the road for the both of us (ex-bf & I). It doesn’t matter now, how I found out about it or why it happened. It has served its purpose. And I’ve gained by learning an invaluable lesson.

That time of bitter pain? Turned out to be the sweetest gift.

A gift of Growth, Courage, Wisdom, Healing, Forgiveness, Faith and LOVE.

I didn’t realise this immediately of course. On the first page of my book (this may change), I was free falling to the death of “me” as I knew it…

“The window and the view beyond was my chance to disappear, into clouds and nothingness. Surely anything was better than this crushing weight of despair. My mind is spinning in a hurricane of questions howling for answers, but there was none to be found.

I am strapped in, 15,000 feet up in the air, flying further and further away from life as I knew it, to who knows what?

Everything was a blur now, including that cab ride from the airport to the monastery. 

My first time in Chiang Mai, but I was only aware of one thing—a monster of a pain that had me wondering how am I still alive? 

When mom announced we’ve arrived—true to my morbid state of mind—I looked up and saw a funeral parlour.”

It was my first time to a Silent Retreat and my first time meeting the Spiritual Directors, Rinda and Simon. After settling in and a brief getting to know you session, Rinda took us through the scriptures, to explore the importance of finding our True Identity and our motives for being there.

During this time, my attention was drifting in and out.

The pain, like a thousand jagged knives, was cutting me up.

So my eyes ran further than the scripture she had pointed out, to John 12: 23-25. Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But it if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

My heart, skipped, a beat.

Here I am, totally ready to die and be gone, and He is telling me, it’s the time for God to be glorified and that my moment of crashing and ‘dying’ is necessary for my future growth. I felt like He was talking right to me!

“Death” had to happen. The “old me” wasn’t serving me anymore. It’s time for my first-class UPGRADE. And that involves a lot of GROWING UP and Growing Pains. So the “new me”–which is the real me–can come Alive.

As I marvelled at this insight, Rinda concluded the session with, “Our stories will never be our own stories, it interweaves with others.

Our weakness will be somebody’s strength, our pain someone’s healing. Be reformed inside, then you can transform others!”

‎‎~

I just thought of sharing my heart out with you today, because it’s nice to know you’re never alone–whatever it may be, you are going through.

I shall leave you with 3 Love notes:

Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 “My Grace is sufficient for you, for My Power is made Perfect In Weakness.”

And a sweet message from Mom, to me (and now to you): “Let go, sweetheart. For until you do, the good will always be the enemy of the best. Unless you release the ‘good’, the best cannot come.

Let your hands be open towards Him…

…and let Him place His gift into those open hands.”

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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