“I want to be like you,” she said. I know what it’s like to be like me, so I said, “No.
Be yourself. If you get to know all of me, you might be disappointed.”
The ever so subtle inflection in her eyes, from bright admiration to the darkening clouds of questions and doubt were not lost on me.
But that’s the truth–both my response and her reaction. 🙂
“A third characteristic of the tilted-halo gang is honesty. We must know who we are…
Once we accept the gospel of grace and seek to shed defence mechanisms and subterfuges, honesty becomes both more difficult and more important.
Honesty involves the willingness to face the truth of who we are, regardless of how threatening or unpleasant our perceptions may be.
It means hanging in there with ourselves and with God, learning our mind tricks by experiencing how they defeat us, recognizing our avoidances, acknowledging our lapses, learning completely that we cannot handle it ourselves.
This steady self-confrontation requires strength and courage….
…Many of us do not want the truth about ourselves; we prefer to be reassured of our virtue.
To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in the need of grace.” – Brennan Manning.
Just the other day, a girl said, I’m the one person she looks up to when it comes to confidence. Again, if she got to know all of me, she’ll see how sorely insecure I can be, with the same self-esteem and self-worth issues.
My blogs are positive, because for most of my life, I’ve been so negative. I know what it’s like to live with so much self-negating thoughts. I live and breathe positivity for the very fact that I also live and breathe negativity.
“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious.
I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God’s grace means.” – Brennan Manning.
The same girl who looks up to me for my confidence said, “I always love reading all your quotes and things you post, it always brighten up my day when everything is going bad! And you’re a life saver!”
Who would’ve thought?
That my own darkness could brighten up someone’s day? That hearts are beating for what makes my heart bleed and ‘die’ and come alive?
This is the beautiful thing about honesty and opening up to share our life’s story. Along the way, you discover that your story is my story and my story is your story. That we’re not alone. And that together…
…we can make His-story (no matter how messed up we can be).
I guess this song’s been ringing in my head the past week for a reason:
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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