Hold On to Now

We’re all holding on to something, whether we’re conscious of it or not. In this post, I’m focussing on our tendency to cling on to Pain from the Past, verses Grace in the Present moment.

Last Sunday, my girls and I were talking about Relationships (remember, ‘relationship’ is not just about BGR or romance, it encompasses ALL of life and everyone that’s a part of your life) and the human nature of holding on to pain. Something I’ve been relearning and reminding myself lately is this:

Today

is my First

and Last day

with you (anyone who’s a part of my day and life).

 

Today

will never happen again.

 

11.1.15 (the day we were having our

heartfelt talk) will never happen again.

 

If Today is my First and Last day with you, a loved one, a friend,

do I want to leave you in Pain or in Love?

 

“It’s true… but it’s not easy,” A says.

It’s not easy, it’s true. Especially when you’ve been hurt.

It’s easier to hold on to hurt, hurt them back,

10 times more! An eye for an eye!

 

That’s human nature.

 

When you’re angry,

being in the Here and Now

is not easy.

 

You want to go back to the past,

remind them of every mistake they’ve made

and if possible, cut them off from your future.

 

But if you train yourself to remember,

Today is the First day and the Last day

with a Loved one, you’d want to leave

them in Love… not Pain.

 

Yesterday,

that opportunity came up for me

to put this lesson into practice.

 

It was a whole day of struggling to hold the tensions

between the Past and the Present.

 

“Another way in which we can transform our darkness and “easter” the new life of the new self is by holding the painful tensions within us – the tugs between what the ego wants and that to which the True Self calls us.

We’re filled with an array of opposing tensions. John of the Cross wrote that in the dark night “the soul becomes a battlefield in which… two contraries combat one another.”

We’re pulled between the opposites: good and evil, hope and despair, love and hate, forgiveness and revenge, venturing forth and staying put, the urge to wholeness and the pull to fragmentation, acceptance and rejection, commitment and freedom, community and solitude, intimacy and autonomy, psyche and soma, doing and being, consciousness and unconsciousness, the masculine and the feminine. The list goes on and on…

…The first step toward growth is to enter these tensions, embracing and exploring the pain and ambiguity within rather than running from them, concealing them, or anesthetizing them.

…This interior integration and healing of the soul is our aim. But it can’t happen if we avoid the pain and tensions within us. Once, when my counselor and I were discussing Joseph Campbell’s captivating dictum ‘Follow your bliss,” he commented, “It may be just as important to follow your agony.” Perhaps we can’t find our real bliss until we begin to contront our agony.

The poet Gibran wrote something similar: “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. The self-same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears… The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

When we enter the darkness, we accept that there will be trials. In the clash of opposites, the pain and conflict pull the strands of our lives back and forth in a miserable tug of war.

…Holding such tensions meant asking myself in countless circumstances, Am I being true in this moment…? Am I responding out of fear?” – Sue Monk Kidd, ‘When the Heart Waits.’

Fear gave me all the reasons to withhold Love.

Love embraced all of my heart, releasing Love.

 

I listened to both, and noticed how both felt like.

If I put Fear aside, I knew my heart had forgiven.

 

Then I reminded myself,

14.01.15 will never happen again.

 

No matter the painful outcome in the past,

Today will be my First and Last chance

to wish a loved one Happiness in life.

 

So I did. “Happy Birthday…”

And it left us both in Smiles.

 

There’s Grace in each Present moment.

Be present in the Present. Be here, Now.

 

It’s not easy. But the hope is in the trying.

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Spotted this squirrel in Chiangmai, all stretched out, “holding on.” 28.12.14.

 

Love,
Mish

The Love Culture
www.facebook.com/theloveculture
www.theloveculture.wordpress.com

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” 
– Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

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Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown 

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Love Anyway

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
LOVE THEM ANYWAY.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
DO GOOD ANYWAY.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
SUCCEED ANYWAY.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
DO GOOD ANYWAY.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
THINK BIG ANYWAY.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
FIGHT FOR A FEW UNDERDOGS ANYWAY.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
BUILD ANYWAY.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU HAVE ANYWAY.

– ‘The Paradoxical Commandments’ was written by Dr. Kent M Smith in 1968, when he was a 19 year old student at Harvard, as part of a booklet for student leaders titled, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council. This quote is often attributed to Mother Theresa, who displayed this quote on the wall of her children’s home in Calcutta.

I see him on whatsapp. It means he hasn’t left. It means he extended his stay. It means I could get my things back. It means he could’ve contacted me to tell me so, and made plans to return them. But he hasn’t gotten in touch. If he wanted to, he would’ve done so by now. Can I live with that? I guess I can. Those items have sentimental value, but in the end, things can always be bought. But money can’t replace a person, a moment, or trust.

I guess my real struggle is in accepting the fact that he could’ve gotten in touch, but for reasons known only to him, has not. And the struggle is in accepting ‘not knowing’ or knowing that the moment we had, though short and sweet, is gone, and along with it, the trust. The struggle is in accepting the reality, the truth of him, as he is, not what I think he is.

But it’s strange…

I still love him anyway. Not in the romantic kind of way (there’s nothing remotely attractive about the way he is choosing to be these days), but in an unconditional way. I’m aware he’s acting like a prick, and that he’s screwing me over in the way that he’s choosing to be right now, and I’m angry. Nobody deserves to be treated this way—not me, not him, not anyone else for that matter. But shit happens and we don’t make the best choices when our Awareness is bogged down by our invisible baggage.

I’ve learnt through personal experience that on a deeper subconscious level, we treat others, the way we treat ourselves. And I understand that a person with a healthy level of growth, healing and awareness will not consciously do this to another person. When we choose to make others feel miserable, it’s because we’re struggling inside and miserable too.

I guess my struggle is in accepting that he still has some way to go before we see eye to eye. And until then, we’ll need to go our separate ways. In the ideal world, we’d still be friends and part on friendly talking terms. But this is the reality. And I guess I have two choices. Not accept it and keep trying and play the fool. Or accept it and let go, knowing that if he ever wanted to contact me again in the future, he would know how to.

I choose Acceptance.

I love what my friend Julia wrote yesterday, “My laptop crashed, so all my writings are gone, which is sad somehow, but I also take it as a sign, to start freshly. Maybe it’s what I have to do…

It’s good and important to have a peaceful relation to the one you loved. Nobody knows where it’s leading in the future. I learned not to take things too serious… Life goes on anyway, no matter how much energy you put into something and what you get out of it…”

My finger moved away from his number and call button. I’ll leave him alone if that’s what he wants. I’ve said and done what’s needed to be said and done. All there’s left to do now is to Accept that It Is What It Is.

I wish you Love…

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture