Love Anyway

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.

– ‘The Paradoxical Commandments’ was written by Dr. Kent M Smith in 1968, when he was a 19 year old student at Harvard, as part of a booklet for student leaders titled, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council. This quote is often attributed to Mother Theresa, who displayed this quote on the wall of her children’s home in Calcutta.

I see him on whatsapp. It means he hasn’t left. It means he extended his stay. It means I could get my things back. It means he could’ve contacted me to tell me so, and made plans to return them. But he hasn’t gotten in touch. If he wanted to, he would’ve done so by now. Can I live with that? I guess I can. Those items have sentimental value, but in the end, things can always be bought. But money can’t replace a person, a moment, or trust.

I guess my real struggle is in accepting the fact that he could’ve gotten in touch, but for reasons known only to him, has not. And the struggle is in accepting ‘not knowing’ or knowing that the moment we had, though short and sweet, is gone, and along with it, the trust. The struggle is in accepting the reality, the truth of him, as he is, not what I think he is.

But it’s strange…

I still love him anyway. Not in the romantic kind of way (there’s nothing remotely attractive about the way he is choosing to be these days), but in an unconditional way. I’m aware he’s acting like a prick, and that he’s screwing me over in the way that he’s choosing to be right now, and I’m angry. Nobody deserves to be treated this way—not me, not him, not anyone else for that matter. But shit happens and we don’t make the best choices when our Awareness is bogged down by our invisible baggage.

I’ve learnt through personal experience that on a deeper subconscious level, we treat others, the way we treat ourselves. And I understand that a person with a healthy level of growth, healing and awareness will not consciously do this to another person. When we choose to make others feel miserable, it’s because we’re struggling inside and miserable too.

I guess my struggle is in accepting that he still has some way to go before we see eye to eye. And until then, we’ll need to go our separate ways. In the ideal world, we’d still be friends and part on friendly talking terms. But this is the reality. And I guess I have two choices. Not accept it and keep trying and play the fool. Or accept it and let go, knowing that if he ever wanted to contact me again in the future, he would know how to.

I choose Acceptance.

I love what my friend Julia wrote yesterday, “My laptop crashed, so all my writings are gone, which is sad somehow, but I also take it as a sign, to start freshly. Maybe it’s what I have to do…

It’s good and important to have a peaceful relation to the one you loved. Nobody knows where it’s leading in the future. I learned not to take things too serious… Life goes on anyway, no matter how much energy you put into something and what you get out of it…”

My finger moved away from his number and call button. I’ll leave him alone if that’s what he wants. I’ve said and done what’s needed to be said and done. All there’s left to do now is to Accept that It Is What It Is.

I wish you Love…




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB:

Journey To The Past & Imperfection…

Part of discovering and embracing the person that you are NOW, means remembering the person that you WERE

…that is where I’m stuck.

I observe with both horror and amusement, the pounding fear and panic that is growing louder and harder with each successive Likes and comments pouring in on Facebook for the pictures labelled GLAM.

Even as I’m writing this, the likes won’t stop flooding in! On other days, I’ll be loving the likes, but as about now, the likes are driving me nuts!

That photo-shoot was done in 2010. Barely a year ago. And yet, as I look at those pictures, I wonder who’s that girl?

I’m not so sure if I’m willing to wear that gold sequin dress again… I’m not so sure if I like that giant faux diamond ring, still… I’m not so sure if I’m into this whole loud, glam, and shiny look anymore.

I may in the future. Maybe this is just a phase. But I’m not so sure now.

What I AM sure about, is that I’m not liking the unexpected attention.

And I’m wondering why?

I want to tell these people, no, no, no! Don’t like it! Don’t say anything!

With every Like, I feel like a pressurised volcano driven to explosion. And as the lava of tears are flowing, I am wondering what my strong emotions are really saying to me?

…deleting the album won’t solve anything.

As I spent a moment in silence and tears, I realised, what’s really freaking me out at this moment is a whole bunch of things, but mainly, my journeying into the past…

…and having a tonne of people watching me as I do it.

I’ve spent a good whole year running from my past.

All I want, is a clear look at my future but always at the back of my mind, were all my unfinished business.

ROX/STA… and the remaining dresses that have yet to be altered to be photographed to be sold. The website. The halfway written book… always the halfway written book!

It’s so much easier to just say goodbye to it all and start anew.

But I can’t deny there are 441 drafts of my book lying around, each page swimming with words and thoughts and stories just waiting to be shared.

I can’t deny that my heart still skips a beat, when Rae & May inquired on my ROX/STA dresses today…

So where do I go from here?

I don’t know… I’m still lost.

As I sifted through my old files looking for answers, I posted these pictures up, not expecting the kind of reaction it has triggered–in others and especially, in myself.

Each time somebody clicks Like on my old ‘me’ and my mind is yelling “This isn’t me anymore!” I feel like shutting down facebook to hide.

My plans, my priorities, my perspectives have shifted. My whole world’s changed. I have changed–I don’t know what to do with the New-Me yet.

I love her. But I also want the old me, to be loved–by me.

It gets a bit hard when lately, everyone’s been telling me they like me so much more now, that I’m so different now, that I’m better now, more beautiful now, more caring now, more everything now…

On one hand, I am happy. On the other, it’s human to think of the negative and wonder if I wasn’t lovable before?

That frame of mind puts me in a very bad place.

It’s time to switch over to a new perspective: The fact is, I AM better now.

And every person I meet, serves as a mirror, telling me so, though I’m not looking for it.

Instead of my failures, my past can now serve as a reminder of how far I’ve come. And in the midst of all this growing, I’ll always remember what a friend from Portugal once said to me, “Michelle, don’t be perfect.” 🙂

All my life I’ve struggled to be good enough. The break up last year have often left me feeling I’m still not good enough. But these gentle words always comes back to soothe me to a place of peace and calm…

“…don’t be perfect.”

And that, my lovers, is the truth.

No matter what journey you’re on, past, present or future, always remember, we’re human. We make mistakes, but that’s how we learn and grow. Embrace your imperfection. At all times, you are loved, as you are.

“…don’t be perfect.”




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: