We’re all holding on to something, whether we’re conscious of it or not. In this post, I’m focussing on our tendency to cling on to Pain from the Past, verses Grace in the Present moment.
Last Sunday, my girls and I were talking about Relationships (remember, ‘relationship’ is not just about BGR or romance, it encompasses ALL of life and everyone that’s a part of your life) and the human nature of holding on to pain. Something I’ve been relearning and reminding myself lately is this:
is my First
and Last day
with you (anyone who’s a part of my day and life).
will never happen again.
11.1.15 (the day we were having our
heartfelt talk) will never happen again.
If Today is my First and Last day with you, a loved one, a friend,
do I want to leave you in Pain or in Love?
“It’s true… but it’s not easy,” A says.
It’s not easy, it’s true. Especially when you’ve been hurt.
It’s easier to hold on to hurt, hurt them back,
10 times more! An eye for an eye!
That’s human nature.
When you’re angry,
being in the Here and Now
is not easy.
You want to go back to the past,
remind them of every mistake they’ve made
and if possible, cut them off from your future.
But if you train yourself to remember,
Today is the First day and the Last day
with a Loved one, you’d want to leave
them in Love… not Pain.
that opportunity came up for me
to put this lesson into practice.
It was a whole day of struggling to hold the tensions
between the Past and the Present.
“Another way in which we can transform our darkness and “easter” the new life of the new self is by holding the painful tensions within us – the tugs between what the ego wants and that to which the True Self calls us.
We’re filled with an array of opposing tensions. John of the Cross wrote that in the dark night “the soul becomes a battlefield in which… two contraries combat one another.”
We’re pulled between the opposites: good and evil, hope and despair, love and hate, forgiveness and revenge, venturing forth and staying put, the urge to wholeness and the pull to fragmentation, acceptance and rejection, commitment and freedom, community and solitude, intimacy and autonomy, psyche and soma, doing and being, consciousness and unconsciousness, the masculine and the feminine. The list goes on and on…
…The first step toward growth is to enter these tensions, embracing and exploring the pain and ambiguity within rather than running from them, concealing them, or anesthetizing them.
…This interior integration and healing of the soul is our aim. But it can’t happen if we avoid the pain and tensions within us. Once, when my counselor and I were discussing Joseph Campbell’s captivating dictum ‘Follow your bliss,” he commented, “It may be just as important to follow your agony.” Perhaps we can’t find our real bliss until we begin to contront our agony.
The poet Gibran wrote something similar: “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. The self-same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears… The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
When we enter the darkness, we accept that there will be trials. In the clash of opposites, the pain and conflict pull the strands of our lives back and forth in a miserable tug of war.
…Holding such tensions meant asking myself in countless circumstances, Am I being true in this moment…? Am I responding out of fear?” – Sue Monk Kidd, ‘When the Heart Waits.’
Fear gave me all the reasons to withhold Love.
Love embraced all of my heart, releasing Love.
I listened to both, and noticed how both felt like.
If I put Fear aside, I knew my heart had forgiven.
Then I reminded myself,
14.01.15 will never happen again.
No matter the painful outcome in the past,
Today will be my First and Last chance
to wish a loved one Happiness in life.
So I did. “Happy Birthday…”
And it left us both in Smiles.
There’s Grace in each Present moment.
Be present in the Present. Be here, Now.
It’s not easy. But the hope is in the trying.
Spotted this squirrel in Chiangmai, all stretched out, “holding on.” 28.12.14.
The Love Culture