Dave Can Be So Selfish

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“Come out of hiding… If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.” – Brennan Manning

“It is one thing to feel loved… when our life is together and all our support systems are in place. Then self-acceptance is relatively easy. We may even claim that we are coming to like ourselves. When we are strong, on top, in control, and as the Celts say, “in fine form,” a sense of security crystallizes.

But what happens when life falls through the cracks? What happens when we… fail, when our dreams shatter, when our investments crash, when we are regarded with suspicion?

What happens when we come face-to-face with the human condition?

Ask anyone who has gone through a separation or divorce. Are they together now? Is their sense of security intact? Do they have a strong sense of self-worth? Do they still feel like the beloved child?

“This [brokenness] is what what needs to be accepted.
Unfortunately, this is what we tend to reject.

Here the seeds of corrosive self-hatred take root. This painful vulnerability is the characteristic feature of our humanity that most needs to be embraced in order to restore our human condition to a healed state…” – Nicholas Harnan

…Yet as soon as we lose our nerve about ourselves, we take cover. Adam and Eve hid, and we all, in one way or another, have used them as role models. Why? Because we do not like what we see. It is uncomfortable–intolerable–to confront our true selves…

“And so… we either flee our own reality or manufacture a false self which is mostly admirable, mildly prepossessing, and superficially happy. We hide what we know or feel ourselves to be (which we assume to be unacceptable and unlovable) behind some kind of appearance which we hope will be more pleasing. We hide behind pretty faces which we put on for the benefit of our public. And in time we may even come to forget that we are hiding, and think that our assumed pretty face is what we really look like.” – Simon Tugwell

…come out of hiding. No amount of spiritual makeup can render us more presentable…

“Over the years I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection.

Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection.

When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions.

The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned,I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.”… [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned.

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” – Henri Nouwen.

…To feel safe is to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart and feel liked and accepted… not having to hide anymore and distract myself… no need to impress or dazzle others or draw attention to myself, a new way of being in the world… calm, unafraid, no anxiety and what’s going to happen next… loved and valued… just being together as an end in itself.

…If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others. We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past when what we should do is let go.” – Chapter 1, ‘Come Out Of Hiding’, Abba’s Child, by Brennan Manning. 

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Can Rejection be your Protection? Yes!

By Maddisen K. Krown on Huffingtonpost.com: “Let’s face it, for most of us, whether we get rejected in love, friendship, in work, or wherever, rejection feels awful.

Rejection tends to turn us inward in a negative way — causing us to feel unworthy, flawed, not good enough, unlovable, frustrated, confused, angry, sad, etc. — which can get us painfully bogged down in paralyzing self criticism.

But if we believe, as I do, that all experiences in life directly support our learning, growth and upliftment — then rejection must also be a path for our learning, growth and upliftment.

So, if you experience rejection, the first question to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism and suffering is: How is this rejection protecting me? Further, how is this rejection serving my wellbeing and happiness? How is this rejection helping me to learn, grow and become happier in my life going forward?

The Reward of Rejection
Here’s a story that exemplifies this perfectly. I worked with a female client who was dating a guy she liked very much. She still wanted time to get to know him more, but was sensing the potential for a deep and long-term relationship. Early in their dating, they both agreed to cancel their online dating subscriptions and to be exclusive — so that they could focus on getting to know each other built on a solid foundation of loyalty, honesty and trust.

Several months into dating, she found out through a mutual friend that he was back online on the dating site, but hadn’t told her. She confronted him, he openly admitted he was back online looking, confessed he wasn’t sure he was ready to commit, and asked for some time apart to get clarity on what he really wanted.

My client deduced that essentially he was breaking up with her, and she felt rejected and sad. And as we worked together, I could see that she was starting to spiral down into questions of why and why her, and down, down, down into that suffering and muddy place of feeling unworthy, unlovable, flawed, self critical, etc.

At that point, I asked her how this perceived rejection might actually be a way that her higher self was protecting her. At first, she shared how his actions were dishonest and disloyal. I asked how his actions might be a mirror to inform how she was treating herself, and how she might be being dishonest and disloyal to herself in that relationship. And then, I could see the light go on in her teary eyes. The truth she realized was this: she was not really certain about him either, or happy with some of his core qualities and values, but continued to date him anyway because of the pleasant companionship and qualities she did enjoy about him. So in essence, she realized she was settling, and not being honest with herself about what she was truly and fully wanting but not getting, and was therefore not being loyal to herself by staying in a relationship that truly was not satisfying or aligning with her deepest values and desires. By the end of the session, she clearly understood how his rejection was truly her higher self’s way of informing and protecting her, and saw that this fellow was not her match.

This is not to say that she did not feel some sadness and loneliness after this loss of her former companion. She did feel sad, and really missed his company for a while. But with my coaching support and her keen awareness and desire to grow into more fulfillment and happiness, she knew it was healthy to feel these emotions, accept them, and trust that the dynamic and positive nature of her life and goals would move her forward into something even better next time. It became real for her that she was more aware, wiser and feeling a deeper sense of contentment as a result of this experience, which was disguised as rejection — because she was being honest with herself and loyal to her core values and heartfelt desires. Perhaps she needed the experience to build a more solid foundation of loyalty, honesty and trust within herself.

Ask yourself — How Is Rejection Protecting Me?
From this day forward, if you experience rejection, the first question to ask before spiraling down into the dark abyss of confusion, self criticism, and suffering is: How is this rejection protecting me? Further, how is this rejection mirroring and informing how I might be rejecting myself and my needs? How is this rejection serving my wellbeing and happiness? How is this rejection helping me to learn, grow, and become happier in my life going forward?”

“Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” — Henri Nouwen

There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself. — James Lee Burke

I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me. — Oprah Winfrey

From the heart,
your Life Coach Maddisen

For more by Maddisen K. Krown click here.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

Love Is Allowing Yourself To Feel

theloveculture

“We must not numb our pain.

When in sorrow, sorrow.

When in anger, anger.

FEEL IT.

It’s the only way to go through it.” Paul said to me, as we were discussing the problem of alcoholism in Finland.

His main language is Finnish. So when he speaks in English, it’s very simple. But I get it. And I love it. It comes out sounding like a poem.

Paul is saying we must go through the process of whatever it is we’re feeling. So when we’re in sorrow, then allow ourselves to be in sorrow.

Having spent many years working in a rehab for alcoholics in Helsinki, he’s seen how desperately people try to numb their pain, instead of dealing with the root of that pain. In the end, the only thing they create is a bigger mess, ruining their own lives and the lives of their loved ones.

…I…

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“Muddy Water, Let Stand, Becomes Clear.” – Lao Tzu

“A group of friends went swimming one day and one of them lost a ring in the bottom of the lake.

Everyone started diving from different directions to find it until there was so much mud and sand stirred up that no one could see anything. 

Finally, they decided to clear the water. They waited silently on the edge of the shore for the mud from all their activity to settle. 

When it finally cleared, one person dove in slowly and picked up the ring.

When we are confused about something in our lives, we will often hear answers and advice from all directions. Our friends will tell us one thing and our families another, until we feel pretty well mixed up. 

If we look away from our problem and let patience and time do their work, the mud inside us will settle and clear. 

Our answer will become visible, like the glimmer of silver in the water.” – Today’s Gift by Anonymous.

“Muddy Water,

Let Stand,

Becomes Clear.”

– Lao Tzu

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Shot this picture of a beautiful lake, in Hangzhou,China.  January 2014.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

The Story Of The Love Flute

“A long time ago, there lived a young man who was very shy. He was brave in battle, and led the buffalo hunt with courage, yet when it came to speaking his love to the girl he wanted to marry, he was too shy to speak.

He would stand helplessly, his eyes cast to the ground, while other young men stood with their courting blankets outside the tipi of the girl’s father.

The young man thought about the girl day and night. In his dreams she was still there before his eyes, yet even in his dreams he lacked the courage to tell her of his love.

He watched her from a distance when she fetched water from the river, and his heart was heavy when he saw the other young men who talked to her so easily, whistled to her to gain her attention, and in a hundred ways vied for her love. The young man was sure that the girl did not notice him

One day, his heart aching, he left the camp and wandered alone. In despair he drew his bow and without a thought he let fly an arrow into the air.

To his amazement the arrow stayed aloft. It seemed to him that the arrow pointed ahead. He followed the direction of the arrow and found that it moved ahead at a steady pace which he could follow. He followed the arrow all day, and when evening came the arrow fell to earth beside a stream.

He slept beside the stream, and in the morning shot another arrow into the sky. Again the arrow stayed aloft, and led him on. That evening it, too, sank to earth beside a stream. This continued for a total of four days.

On the fourth day the young man slept at the edge of a forest. In that half-dream state between waking and sleep, two Elk Men appeared to him, and told him that they had come to help him. “We have come to give you this flute”, one said, and when he blew into the flute he carried, the sound was so beautiful that even the forest stood breathlessly listening.

The Elk Man told him, “This flute is made from the wood of the cedar, because cedars grow where the winds blow. Woodpecker made these finger holes in the flute with his beak.”

The other Elk Man told him “All the birds and animals helped to make this flute, and their voices sing within it. When you play this flute for the girl you love, all our voices sing with you. Your music will speak the words of love that your voice alone cannot.”

Then the Elk Men were gone, but there, lying on sage leaves, was the flute. The young man set off towards his home, his heart light. He played the flute as he walked, and the cranes joined in his song. For four days he walked, playing his music, and listening to the sounds of the animals and birds. He imitated the sounds of the animals on his flute, and from those sounds he made melodies

As evening drew near on the fourth day, he reached the hill above his camp. There he paused to play his flute, and the sounds of the beautiful music he made carried into the camp and thrilled the heart of every woman there.

But one woman, the girl he loved, knew that the music spoke straight to her heart. The girl left her tipi and joined the young man on the hill. She listened to the words of love that his music spoke more eloquently than his voice could express. “I love you. I love you.” – The Story Behind The Love Flute

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

She said, “I want to marry the ugliest man, so he’ll be faithful to me.” It turns out, the ugly man she married, was not only unfaithful, he didn’t care about her.

“I picked up an old photograph in the antique drawer, in my grandfather’s room. The beautiful girl in the yellow dress caught my attention.

There’s something about her that made me ask my aunt, “Who is she?” I found out she was an adopted child, the half-sister of my elder aunt’s husband. She had said, “I want to marry the ugliest man, so he’ll be faithful to me.” It turns out, the ugly man she married, was not only unfaithful, he didn’t care about her.

When her water bag burst, he didn’t allow her to deliver the baby. He told the doctors to hold until the next day of August 1st, which was more “auspicious”. Somehow, she fell off the bed, and died (before she could give birth). She was pregnant with twins.

An earlier scan had revealed that one of the baby was a girl. The dad assumed the other would be a girl too. So instead of saving the babies through caesarean, he allowed the babies to die, along with their mother. Later, when he found out one of the baby was a boy, he was hopping mad with himself.

She was, I was told, about my age when she passed on so tragically.

Life is so unpredictable. Death comes when you least expect it. And true ugliness is selfishness. The lady made a choice to marry that man, out of fear. All it did was let her down. What a nightmare…” – an entry in my journal, two years ago, 1st March.

yellow

The story of The Girl In The Yellow Dress is true, not just of the lady in the photograph, but of each of us.

At one time or another, we may have made a choice out of fear, in preparation against the thing we fear the most.

But as we have discovered, the very thing we fear, becomes our reality, when we make it our focus and when we allow it to inform our decisions.

Her story is speaking to me today:

Choose Love.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” ― Pema Chödrön

Your life is your Adventure. There will be obstacles to overcome, to show you your hidden strength and power. And then there will be ‘villains’, whose mission in life seems to be to make yours more difficult or miserable. Why is that?

That is the question I found myself asking myself over and over again last whole week. WHY?

Why is he / she treating me this way?

It hurts, when the person you care about, is the one acting like a villain. They have no awareness of the pain they’re causing.

It hurts when all you wanted is to show that you care, but that person is treating you like an enemy. 

It hurts even more, when you’re experiencing this on a constant repeat cycle, with him / her.  It’s exhausting. It’s unhealthy.

You know you don’t deserve this, neither does he / she, or anyone else for that matter.

And yet, if you’re like me, you may find yourself knocking on that same door, wishing against reality, to be invited in. Or if that door opens with a promise of a welcome, just as you stick one foot in, you find it slammed in your face–again and again. What kind of a cruel game are they playing?

But the bigger question is, why are we playing this game, with them?

I asked myself this question over the weekend, and the answer that came was a lesson I’ve already learnt, but needed to be reminded of AGAIN:

“This is your inner cry, wanting to be loved.

This is why you keep going back to him / her for assurance of love. Recognise that a person can only love you to the degree that they love themselves. The way he / she is treating is, is the way they treat themselves. You cannot expect anymore than they can give right now.

So why do you keep going back to this limited source of love? What is this habit, showing you about YOU?

Can you think of this situation as a mirror, showing you another lesson in Self-Love?

Open your eyes.

See how much you are loved. See the loving people you DO HAVE in your life. Why focus on the ONE that you do NOT have? Human nature.

Stop demanding love from a person that can’t love you any more. Start loving yourself more.

Can YOU do that?”

The answer is Yes I can. But the fact remains that it still hurts. So in desperation for a relief to my pain and frustration, I broke my rule about never contacting him again. I didn’t get any reply. In fact, the pain got worst for putting myself out on a limb and being ignored. It’s driving me up the wall that there’s nothing to numb this pain. There’s no relief!

But herein lies another opportunity for growth. The quiet and painful wisdom that sprung from within, gave me the only truth that I needed:

“So feel the pain.

Remember how this feels like. Remember it. Don’t ever forget it…

…and don’t ever do this to another person… AGAIN.”

I was taken aback with that one. But instantly, I knew the truth of it. I knew that I too have been guilty of this in the past. I too have put someone who cared for me, through this same miserable experience.

But I was not in awareness of it at that time. I had no awareness of the deep-seated pain and fear that drove me to inflict that same pain and stress on someone else. I believe he’s now acting in unawareness too…

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” – Pema Chödrön

If you’ve been going through the same struggle as I have, I hope this post will shine some Light your way! May you find your way back to Love…

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” – Pema Chödrön

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” – Joseph Campbell

I’ve been wanderin’ ’round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me
[Get there] And I’ll get through this
[Get there] I’ll find my way again…”

– BOYS II MEN, ‘I will get there’.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture

“Each person in your life is sent there for your benefit and to teach you a lesson.” – Mastin Kipp

Love this post by Mastin Kipp: “If, for some strange reason, you have or still keep attracting lovers who only end up causing you pain, today’s words are for you.

Each person in your life is sent there for your benefit and to teach you a lesson. The lesson could be how to trust yourself. The lesson could be that you are loved. The lesson could be to heal a wound from your past, or perhaps, the lesson could be forgiveness.

Now, think about this. If someone is sent into your life to teach you forgiveness, how else could you learn the lesson of forgiveness than by being betrayed or let down by someone you care for deeply? Or, if the lesson is to teach you how to trust yourself, then how else could you learn except by getting into a relationship where you KNEW from the beginning that is wasn’t good for you, but you proceeded anyway?

Some lessons come bearing pain; others come bearing great pleasure and reward. YOUR task is to see the people who are coming in and out of your life from a larger perspective and ask yourself what you are learning from each person. YOU have consciously or unconsciously chosen who the people are in your life.

As a result, you are either consciously or unconsciously signing up for a lesson from each person you allow into your life experience. If you keep choosing people to fill your life experience who you know deep down aren’t healthy for you, but that being with them is better than being alone, then you are signing up for a painful lesson, AGAIN, about how to trust yourself.

You will keep attracting people into your life who leave that painful aftertaste until you start to trust yourself. Then, slowly but surely, your life will begin to change.

When you trust yourself and ask more of The Uni-verse, your attraction point changes and the people in your life change as a result.

If you want to attract that loving person, then ask more from The Uni-verse.

Embrace being alone. Accept that it will happen in perfect time, but not necessarily on YOUR schedule. Forgive past lovers, for they have only come bearing the gift of a lesson. When you forgive, you create more room in your life for BIG LOVE.

Feel the pain, but then step back and see the lesson. Next time, learn from the past and make a new choice.

You are the co-creator of your life with the choices you make. Do you want to keep making the same mistake, or are you ready to graduate and experience BIG LOVE in your life? The choice is yours ­ make it consciously, and make it TODAY!”

Lots of LOVE,
Mastin

Read this gem of an article from The Daily Love ❤ Disclaimer: Just because I share an insight by Mastin / The Daily Love, does not mean I am aligned with their teachings / programmes in all its entirety. There will always be things we agree with /don’t agree with. Please apply personal discernment. Take what you can use, leave out the rest.

Love,

Mish.

****

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: https://www.facebook.com/theloveculture