Perhaps What’s Holding Us Back Is Our Own Struggle With Our Worthiness.

“The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute.

Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites. So many of us have knowingly created / unknowingly allowed / been handed down a long list of worthiness prerequisites:

*I’ll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds.

*I’ll be worthy if I can get pregnant.

*I’ll be worthy if I get / stay sober.

*I’ll be worthy if everyone thinks I’m a good parent.

*I’ll be worthy when I can make a living selling my art.

*I’ll be worthy if I can hold my marriage together.

*I’ll be worthy when I make partner.

*I’ll be worthy when my parents finally approve.

*I’ll be worthy if he calls back and asks me out.

*I’ll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I’m not even trying.

Here’s what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.” – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

My biggest breakthrough today, is realizing that perhaps what’s holding me back for so long is because I didn’t believe / realize I was worthy.

I believed I’ll be worthy if I had incredible self-love and lived it everyday. I believed I’ll be worthy if I wasn’t so assumptious. I believed I’ll be worthy when I’m stronger, more-together, better, kinder, braver, more honest, more loving! I believed I’ll be worthy when I’m in a loving relationship. I believe I’ll be worthy when I’ve found the path to happiness. I believe I’ll be worthy if I’m certified in the areas I wish to grow in. I believed I’ll be worthy when I polished up my grammar and my English is immaculate.

In other words, I believed I’ll be worthy when I’m perfect! With these limiting beliefs and mind-set in place, it’s no wonder I’m stuck.

The truth is, I still struggle with self-doubt and self-hate, even as I’m learning and growing in self-love and practicing it. “Practicing self-love means learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate toward ourselves. This is a tall order given how hard most of us are on ourselves.” – Brené Brown

The truth is that right after writing the article “Assumption Kills”, I sent a text to X to get clear on some things, thinking I had ‘seen the light’. He pointed out that I assume the worst and that it’s true, ‘it was assumptions that drew us apart’. I thanked him for his feedback but I was mortified.

After T pointed out this blindspot to me in 2011, “You assume a lot,” I thought I had gone a long way forward in being less assumptious. To know that 3 years later, I still have a habit of assuming a lot, I felt very embarrassed and ashamed. But Today, I acknowledge it’s okay–I’m only human. And that this goes to show that our learning never ends. We just grow more and more in Awareness each time and know better next time.

And the truth is that though I’m stronger now, there are moments when I made poor decisions out of my weaknesses. Even though my motto this year is to get myself together, I will still fall apart every now and then. The truth is that though I want to be a better person by being kinder, braver, more honest, more loving, there are days when I’m the exact opposite!

The truth is that I need to be okay with myself not being okay all the time.

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.

It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” – Brené Brown

When I realised today that my biggest struggle is with my own Worthiness, it’s releasing me to know that I am Worthy Now.

I want to share my story, so that someone else will know that they’re not alone, in their imperfection and in their struggle for love, happiness, wholeness, and a life of meaning and purpose. I want to share my story, so that more people will know that there’s Hope, we’re in this together.

I want to share my story, as a fellow traveller on earth to another.

I want to share my story, because I’m Worthy. And so are You.

…Wholehearted living is not a onetime choice. It is a process. In fact, I believe it’s the journey of a lifetime.” –  Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Are there some things you’d like to do? Some people you’d like to meet? Some dreams you’d like to pursue? Some goals you’d like to realise? Some place you’d like to be at? Some events you’d like to join? Some company you’d like to be a part of? Some skills you’d like to acquire? Some trips you’d like to go to? Some decisions that’ll make you happier? Some choices that will grant you peace of mind? Some experiences you’d love to have? Have you allowed it to happen yet? If not, what’s holding you back? Is it a matter of Readiness or a struggle with Worthiness?

“I believe in the lost possibilities you can’t see, I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be… I believe that you fell so you would land next to me,” – Christina Perri, I Believe




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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“Recreate Yourself… In Order To Do Something You’ve Never Done, You’ve Got To Be Someone You’ve Never Been… Be Born Again.” – Les Brown

“Recreate yourself. 

Reborn to a new state of consciousness. 

Whatever your commitment is, you got to 
keep your commitment to your commitment. 

Live your calling.
Decide what it is you love.
Work on yourself.

…You get in life what you are.

You’ve got to make a commitment to be more fruitful, 
to be more productive, to make greater impact. 

You’ve got to spend time working on yourself.

In order to do something you’ve never done, 
you’ve got to be someone you’ve never been.

That’s why Scriptures say 
You must be Born Again.

You’ve got to die 
to as you are now.

You’ve got to be willing to 
give up who you are now 
for what you can become.

Certain things will no longer fit into your life.
There’s no place for it.” – Les Brown, Armed and Dangerous




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB:

Assumption Kills

“See the stray dogs you like?! They just killed a cat!!!” my sister ran up the stairs and spat out, before retreating back to her room. She made me feel like I was responsible for its death! She’s obviously upset. So I put on my glasses and went down to have a look. She heard me coming and came out to join me at the balcony.

“Where’s the cat?”

“There!” she pointed to a striped orange cat, lying motionless on my neighbour’s backyard. “The neighbours tried to stop the dogs by yelling and making noise, but it’s too late. Look what the dogs did!

The poor cat…”

I felt bad.

When I first heard the cat hissing and growling, I was buzy trying to put my thoughts into words for this post (click the link to read my Vision story). So I assumed the cat was having some fun in the jungle… they usually make loud noises when they’re feeling good, don’t they?

Then when I heard animals charging through the forest and dogs barking away, I assumed the dogs were chasing after wild boars, that’s what they do, sometimes.

Then when I heard the cat and the dogs getting louder and louder, I just assumed the cat and the dogs were doing their own separate thing, but all at the same time, and I wished they weren’t making so much noise! I’m trying to concentrate on my writing here!

But the situation was heating up. And this time around, I heard my neighbours “barking” at the dogs by imitating the noises the dogs were making and yelling at them. I assumed they were intolerant people, and I assumed they were assuming the cat was in trouble and punishing the dogs for making noise!

I went on writing, tuning the whole drama out… till all is quiet.

Till my sister ran up with the news of the dead cat.

“I should’ve done something,” my sister said later, feeling bad that she just watched the whole thing from the window. I felt exactly the same now. “I should’ve done something instead of assuming things,”

The whole time the cat was fighting for its life and making so much noise to draw attention, I was buzy assuming and making up stories about what it was experiencing–so I can go on working on my blog, uninterrupted.

This habit of assuming a lot, really needs to be looked at and dealt with.

Just a couple of weeks ago, 4 of my guppies died ‘cos I assumed the tank was well taken care of. Had I looked at the filter earlier, I could’ve stopped the fungus growth in its track before it claimed a few lives.

Just a month ago, a new relationship (or whatever it was) faded to nothingness, ‘cos we assumed certain things, which led to increasing fear, heaviness, and insecurities on both sides. All we had to do was clarify instead of assuming. By now, it’s clear it is what it is, and we’re friends.

But what a reminder Today: “Assumption Kills.” This applies to everything. Relationship. Workplace. Friendships. Beliefs. Pets. Life.

So my question to myself is, what am I assuming again? What questions can I ask instead? How can I do something about what’s bothering me instead of assuming and letting my assumptions drive me up the wall?

Wow. Sorry cat… Next time, I’ll know better than to assume… – _ –

My boss has a favourite saying he likes to quote, “To Assume is to make an ‘Ass’ of ‘U’ and Me’.” Last night, a friend reminded me of this line after I shared this story of how the cat died while I was busy being an “ass”.

What are we assuming today? What questions can we ask instead? How can we do something about what’s bothering us instead of assuming and letting IT (our assumptions) drive us up the wall? 

Let’s remember to ASK / find out, instead of making a habit out of ASS-uming things.




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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VISION: “See it before it actually happens. Use your Imagination… See yourself becoming the person you want to be… Your imagination have to take you beyond the pain, beyond the trouble, to the next level…. Keep seeing… Keep pressing. Keep pushing. One day it’s going to be your day.”

I have bloodshot eyes. My face is red. I was bawling my lungs out, after 9 minutes 34 seconds of Les Brown’s “It’s Possible”, 14 minutes 57 seconds of Les Brown’s “F.E.A.R”, 3 minutes 32 seconds of Les Brown’s “The Greatness Within You” and 4 minutes in to Les Brown’s “Step Into Your Greatness.”

I hit pause right in the middle of the 48 minutes 32 seconds vid then BOOMMM!!! A gushing forth like water exploding full force from a dam.

I was sobbing so hard and deep and loud. I had not heard myself cry like this for a very long time. This mighty torrent came out of nowhere and caught me by surprise. I kept wondering what in the world happened.

The last time I heard someone else cry like this, was when a painful awakening was happening. That person realized he can’t go on like this anymore. He doesn’t know how or why or what. All he knows is that Change must happen. In my lifetime, I’ve only heard two men cry like this. It is the cry of the broken, when something NEW is breaking through.

I didn’t know just now, that the same was happening for me. Why am I crying like this? Am I depressed? Without thinking, I heard myself sputtering out the words, “I. want. to. make. my. life. count.”

Maybe you’re just sad? My mind is confused. That reflex answer pushed its way through again, “I. WANT. TO. MAKE. MY. LIFE. COUNT.”

Do you think you’re crying because you’re not feeling well? My mind kept reasoning. But this time my heart was making itself loud and clear, “I WANT TO MAKE MY LIFE COUNT!!!!”

I listened to myself and I was stunned. The intensity. The desperation. The determination. The hunger. The fight. This is what I really, really want.

I am burning up. Burning in. And I can feel the burn consuming me alive.

I am on my knees in my mind. My hands are clasped together, begging. Begging, as tears are dripping down and drenching me like oil poured down my head. I recognised this moment as holy as I heard myself uttering this plea, to myself and to something even greater than myself.

“God! I don’t want to waste a moment more. I wasted X years. No more. I don’t want to sit here and wallow in self-pity. I don’t want to be held back. By fear. By depression. By excuses.

I want to get myself together. This is the year I get myself together.

I want to make my life count. Let it be me. Let it be me.

Use me. Let it be me.”

I’ve been fine-tuning my mindset and realigning my mind the past few weeks. Anthony Robbin’s “Hour of Power” kick-started that shift. I’ve listened to this talk before, but coming back to it felt like the first time.

And this time, something in me snapped into attention. Something woke up. The haziness dispelled, dispersed and disappeared as I got clear on a couple of things I needed to get clear on. My mind shifted into Clarity.

The day after, I came across the better man project’s blog on turning pain into fuel. His caption on Les Brown’s “Dream” speech initiated me to Les Brown. I kept listening to Les’s talk on Dream. It’s just what I needed.

And then, the past few days, I’ve been waking up and falling asleep to Mateusz M’s incredible VISION video. I can feel the change in my breath, the beat of my heart, and the drive in my soul. The rhythm was charging up. The more I listened, the more I burned inside. The more I immersed myself in it, the more I believed in what was possible again.

“…See it before it actually happens… Use your Imagination… See yourself becoming the person you want to be.

And your Imagination have to take you beyond the pain. Your Imagination have to take you beyond the trouble.

Your Imagination have to take you to the next level.

We have to see ourselves there long before it happen.

…Keep seeing… Keep pressing, if you keep pushing, one day, it’s going to be your day.

I need you to say it with me, one day it’s going to be your day.

The mind, if left to its own devises, tends to get lazy and focus only on the negative and what’s wrong and what failed. But the mind, if exercised and directed, can remember the positive, what’s right and what is a success. 

Left on autopilot, my mind latches on to how I’ve been failing. I failed in my first business attempt, failed to finish my book, failed to finish my music project, failed in a couple of relationships. Failed, failed, failed.

But taking charge of my mind, I began to force myself to see again, how great I did in the past, and how great I still can be. I had spent a long time, far too long, acknowledging my defeats, my mistakes, my wrongs and my failures. Those negatives were part of the picture, but it’s not the whole picture. They are there for a reason to push me forward, to learn from. What am I learning? What am I not seeing? What can I choose to see?

I think about the time when I was 10 or 11. I had wanted so much to learn ballet. My mom didn’t have the money. But I had an idea. Teacher Katy, who owned a ballet studio, was going to see my mother on this particular day. I had this idea that if she could only see me dance, she would make me her student. And so on that day, while the adults were talking, I began twirling and twirling, kicking my legs high into the air, breaking into a jump, arms held high then spread out like a bird on flight. I was flying into my dream of become a dancer and kept dancing and dancing. There was only one thing on my mind, and that is to make her look at me and see how much I loved dancing and wanted to learn!

Teacher Katy stopped talking and began looking at me. “Your daughter! Is she taking dance lessons?” My mom said no, that it was what I had wanted, but she didn’t have the money for it. “Bring her to my studio. She can learn for free.” And so my dream came true. Just like that!

I was just a kid. An idea came into my mind, an idea to achieve my dream and I acted on it! I got that idea from a bookmark I saw in a drawer at home. From what I can remember, the bookmark said, “If you can dream it, you can believe it. If you can believe it, you can achieve it.” And that bookmark had a picture of a ballerina! I held on to that bookmark and fell asleep, thinking that if I dreamt it while I slept, then it would come true.

Of course, it doesn’t work like this. But I allowed my Imagination to take me to the next level. I saw the message in the bookmark in a whole new light. I could achieve my dreams of learning ballet, if I believed in my dream. And so I did. And it came true! Going back to this story in my life, it reminds me how powerful our mind is. Not even the lack of resources can hold us back if we set our mind to believe dreams can be achieved.

Then I forced my mind to remember my Grade 4 piano examination and how I came out with my first distinction. Everyday and every time that I practised, I held a picture in my mind. I imagined I was a concert pianist.

Every time I entered the piano room, I imagined a standing ovation. I would take a bow, get seated, lift my hands high, see in my minds eye a breath-taking performance, and go play it. Every mistake I made, any wrong note played, I stopped. And began again. I went out of the room, heard the ovation, went into the room, took a bow, see myself giving an incredible performance, and went for it. Any time I stumbled on the keys, I went out of the room again, always entering with the mindset that I am an amazing performer, and what I am about to play will be awesome.

I even imagined, that at the end of my “performance”, people were running up to me, congratulating me and asking for my autograph.

I didn’t know what drove me at that time to do what I did, or to imagine myself this way, but it was just a game I played with myself. So what happened on the day of the examination, was even more incredible. Right at the end of it, my examiner got up, and he must’ve said a few words which I don’t remember now, but he actually left the room in a rush after that. I found out later that he was running around trying to find my teacher, to congratulate her on a job well done. I scored my first distinction for that exam, and the feeling was beyond satisfying.

But then I got it in my mind, that I have a habit of going Up then Down. In my mind, if I had distinction this time, then my next exam, I will get the opposite. Guess what? What your mind believes, you become. I barely passed in my Grade 5 exam. The same happened for Grade 6. But then I told my mind, if I went Up, then Down, I can go back Up again. And so I did, scoring another Distinction for my Grade 7. And then I told my mind, based on my patterns,”Now you will go down again.” And I did, failing my Grade 8. But then I sat for the exam again, and went Up, scoring Merit.

From this pattern, I can see that what I feed my mind, has the tendency to be a self-fulling prophecy. Am I going to focus on my defeats and failures? Or am I going to focus on what I was capable of doing, and still can?

My major goal this year is to finish writing my book. I began writing in 2008. So much had happened since then. So many set-backs, defeats, detours and delays. It was a humbling time of awakening to my darkness, my weaknesses and my mistakes. It was a time of humility and major soul-cleansing. It was a time of healing from addictions and learning immense self-love. The whole time, I kept working on my book, kept talking about it and along the way, people who’ve heard it for years must’ve have stopped believing I’d do it–‘cos I stopped believing too.

“Who’s going to read it anyway? It doesn’t matter!” I’ve often thought.

But then today, I see how my story have been gaining in maturity and insight and depth in these 5 years. It’s been marinating and soaking up the good stuff. Now the meat is ready. It’s time to fire up the BBQ grill and make it count! During this time, I’ve been meeting people who’s come into my life for a reason. They–and not the ones who have known me all these years–are seeing me with fresh eyes, and encouraging me in my writing.

“Your writings are beautiful. You should really do something about it… all you need is an idea to tie it all together,” – S

“I really love how you use words, I always feel with you when I read your lines.” – J

“I read through some of the stuff you’ve posted over the years and I must say: I really like your style. I particulatly enjoyed the piece on Crash the monkey… not only did I find it very well written but you also managed to succinctly describe certain feelings which, up until recently, I harbored for a very long time. In any case, just keep on doing what you’re doing and I’m sure that novel will write itself sooner rather than later.” – C

Today, I know that I want to finish what I’ve started. I will work my ass off to make it happen, so my other dreams can follow through. I want to be able to talk about my biggest struggle of all, which is myself, and be able to motivate others to push through and realize their dream. I want to get out of my own way. I want to dream big again. This is the year I’m getting myself together and work hard to do what it takes to push out my book.

Firstly, because it matters to me that I do so. When it matters to me, it will matter to others. But first, it must matter to me. I want to make it count.

I actually woke up this morning from a nightmare. It was so bizarre and so frightening. But I recognise the emotion my dream was trying to convey: FEAR. I also woke up with a stuffy nose, a bad cough and watery eyes. I made my body sick by choice, through the things I’ve been doing to numb my pain and fears. I woke up feeling like I’ve had ENOUGH.

I want better.

So I started jogging my mind down Les Brown’s “It’s Possible”. I took charge of my fear and gained a renewed perspective as he coached me through “F.E.A.R”. My mind started breaking into a run with “The Greatness Within You” and by the time I hit “Step Into Your Greatness” I was ready. With tears streaming in a continuous flow, I declared, “I am grateful. I am thankful. I am grateful for EVERYTHING. I am thankful for EVERYTHING. All of my past, all the people that were part of it, all the pain, and all that I’ve learned. I am GRATEFUL. And now I am ready to be Great. I am ready to step into my greatness. I am ready!

I want to make my life count.

What does making our life count means? I love this answer the most:

“If you tell people to “make it count”, you are telling them to make what they are doing as useful and as positive as possible. They should not be half-hearted but give the task their whole attention and enthusiasm.

In the sentence “Live life to the full and make every day count”, this means “Don’t waste a single day by being lazy or useless–do something positive everyday.” –

That answer is so in line with my vision this year, “Wholehearted 2014”. It is in line with my newly adopted mission, “This is the year I get myself together.”  It’s time to step into my Greatness and make my life count.

What is your vision for your life? IMAGINE. Dream Big. See it before it actually happens. Use your Imagination. Start doing. Keep pushing. Let’s Step Into Our Greatness…




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB:

What can we learn from WhatsApp Founders and their $19 Billion Facebook Deal?

Waking up to a story like this–“WhatsApp Founders Become Billionaires In $19 Billion Facebook Deal”–all kinds of emotion comes up and it makes me think about this and that. 

But I’ve been there before. First, I must remind myself, “Do not compare. Do not compare. Do not compare!” I know this can serve a purpose if I ask the bigger question, “What can I learn from this?”

I like what I read from “In what’s soon to rank as one of the great Silicon Valley creation stories — up there with the $40 rental late fee that drove Reed Hastings to found Netflix — WhatsApp started with restrictive gym policy.

According to legend, WhatsApp co-founder and CEO Jan Koum came up with the idea for his company in early 2009 after his gym banned the use of cell phones. Koum became annoyed at missing calls during his workout and, being an engineer, decided to create a solution.”

I see the word Solution.
It always comes back to that.
How can I add value?
How can I be a Solution?

Looking at today’s case in point, I’m thinking, everyone (who’s got a thing for this line) can be a software engineer. The difference is that Jan Koum went on to create a bigger solution for a wider audience. He was not limited by the immediate engineering problems within the scope of his job. He channelled his frustration to a place where his own existing skills and expertise could do something about it.

I like that.

It’s inspiring me this morning to think about all these in terms of a Writer and dream BIG. What’s the bigger idea / story / message that can be a solution for a wider audience besides myself? And it begins with me. How can I use my own set of skills and capability to do something about my own frustrations? Wowwwww…

Mission of the day / week / year / life.

How are you feeling when you’re reading this in the news? Does it inspire you to look at your own set of skills and think of a Solution to a frustration at hand? Not everyone’s an engineer or an entrepreneur or a writer, but we can each be good at what we do, and we can harness our core strength and use it to Do Something!




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

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On the Beauty of Women

The Better Man Project ™

Before I start this, I want to make something clear. This post is not coming from a man who has had an easy time his whole life with women. In fact, I have had my heart broken more times than I care to admit. I have shed tears, been betrayed in the worst of ways and have been made to feel unimportant, almost to the point where I thought I didn’t exist. And even through all of this, I can still put my heart on the line for women because I believe in one fundamental reality.

Women are beautiful.

Last night, one of my best friends sent me an article and asked for my thoughts. So I opened it up and read the first line. “I’m just gonna come out and say it: I love insecure women.” I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and continued reading on for…

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“What Would Love Do Now?” – Jason Mraz

“It’s nice to meet you. No, I’m not from outer space. 

But I’d like to take you, to a higher place… Where we won’t ever have to leave the ground… Just ask what love would do now.

If it’s got you thinking about a change of scenery
Try letting go of what it was or how things ought to be
And ask what love would do now,
Just ask what love would do now.

If you care to join me oh when you shake my hand,
Do not let go and soon you’ll understand
What it means to have a friend beside you,
Who’s there to remind you that love is what you are right now.

Ask what would love do,
What would love do,
What would love do now.
What would love do now.
What would love do now.

Ask what would love do,
What would love do,
What would love do now.
What would love do now.
What would love do now.

Oh, what would love do now.

Oh, Love would love to love you now.” – Jason Mraz

Happy Valentine’s Day, Lovers! 

May Love always be within you, all around you, and yours to have and to give… “Love is what you are… Love would love to love you now.” 




“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb

The Love Culture on FB: