Breakups are never easy…
It’s like going for an open heart surgery. Your chest is being ripped apart to remove something that was once a part of you, but now it has to go. By “something” and “it”, I am not referring to a person, but the unhealthy cycle and pattern you’ve decided to put a stop to.
With Awareness, you can choose not to stay in a relationship that isn’t serving your growth anymore. If the growing has stopped, it’s time to evaluate what’s not working, acknowledge it for what it is and grow.
To grow well, there has to be a time of pruning, ploughing and weeding out what doesn’t belong. It calls for a time of “dying”, just like the seed of a green bean has to “rot” and “die” for a new shoot to grow into light.
During this time of dying to what was, embracing what is, and looking forward to what will be, the Fear of Uncertainty will be there. The desire to cling on to a dead past will be there. The struggle is real. So is the pain.
The soreness felt during this time is a constant reminder of a lesson learnt. It’s tempting to numb it. To look for distractions. So even as I’m navigating through this challenging time, a thought is coming to mind:
Don’t just Break Up, GROW UP. Don’t just Move On, GROW ON. Don’t just Break Through the Pain, GROW THROUGH the Pain.
“Think of some of the painful events in your life. For how many of them are you grateful today, because thanks to them you changed and grew? Here is a simple truth of life that most people never discover. Happy events make life delightful but they do not lead to self-discovery and growth and freedom. That privilege is reserved to the things and persons and situations that cause us pain.
Every painful event contains in itself a seed of growth and liberation.
In the light of this truth return to your life now and take a look at one or another of the events that you are not grateful for, and see if you can discover the potential for growth that they contain which you were unaware of and therefore failed to benefit from.
Now think of some recent event that caused you pain, that produced negative feelings in you.
Whoever of whatever caused those feelings was your teacher, because they revealed so much to you about yourself that you probably did not know.
And they offered you an invitation and a challenge to self-understanding, self-discovery, and therefore to growth and life and freedom.
Try it now, identify the negative feeling that this even aroused in you. Was it anxiety or insecurity, jealousy or anger or guilt? What does that emotion say to you about yourself, your values, your way of perceiving the world and life and above all your programming and conditioning?
If you succeed in discovering this, you will drop some illusion you have clung to till now, or you will change a distorted perception or correct a false belief or learn to distance yourself from your suffering, as you realize that it was caused by your programming and not by reality; and you will suddenly find that you are full of gratitude for those negative feelings and to that person or event that caused them.” – The Way To Love, Anthony de Mello.
Allow it to serve you, this Gift of Pain. We’re in this Together, You and I.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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