Whatever it is you are struggling with, it may feel like a lonely struggle, but we are all in this together.
I don’t always feel this way, especially in the midst of Fear, when it gets too hard and I’m slowly crumbling. But time and time again, that’s when the Signs appear, telling me without words, “You’re not alone.”
Yesterday, I received a text message that sent me into instant panic mode. I didn’t understand what was going on, and still don’t. Fear started firing a million Questions into the air and demanded answers. I didn’t have any.
By evening, I was falling apart. Called up a friend. Didn’t expect he’d make it, but he did. When he came, I found out what a shit day he’s been having too, and the thought that crossed his mind when I called was, “Oh yes.”
Oh yes, because misery loves company. It was just perfect timing. And comforting to know you’re not the only one having a super hard time.
So there we were, up on the hill, sitting by the road, blowing smokes, trading misery, seeking calm. Then it began to drizzle. We stayed on. Then it started to rain. We stayed on. Then it started to pour. We moved on.
We went to a mamak, with our hair and clothes wet. “It’s okay. I look like how I feel,” he said when I suggested a wipe down while waiting for our food and drinks. When the maggi goreng arrived, like the weather and our mood, it was wet and soggy. But it was good. Something to be happy about. So we had more maggi goreng. Highlight of our miserable day.
When I got home, I saw that I had a message waiting for me in my inbox. It’s from a friend, and she says that this is her favourite new song now, but it makes her bawl. I listened to it and I’m floored. How is it possible that the song describes how I feel so completely? “Say something… I’m giving up on you… I’m feeling so small… just starting to crawl…”
“Trembling :)” my friend replied, when I checked to see how he was doing today. I didn’t think of this word when I chose this morning, to Lean Into My Fear… It describes my state of being too… Trembling.
He had taken that step forward, even though he’s scared to death about it. But he knows it’s the best thing to do, for the both of them. Choosing what’s best, isn’t an easy decision. It takes Courage, even when in Fear.
And the thing about Trembling. It doesn’t just describe the feeling of being Scared, it’s also a state of being when we come face to face with the Sacred. The Unknowing and our Inner Trembling is a Sacred Moment.
The Sacred moment is when we get to Choose Love, inspite of Fear, and watch the magic unfold. So just like that, just when I chose to Lean Into The Fear, this quote appeared on my newsfeed, strengthening me on:
“Love can be hard. Love requires you to be kind when you are angry, patient when you feel anxious, compassionate when you judge others, caring when you feel apathetic, trust when you’ve been wronged, let go when you want to hold on, know that the other person is you, take risks when you’re scared, to always see the lesson and never look back once you’ve decided.” – Jackson Kiddard
How do you stay patient and trust, during this time? For me, it’s all about the Signs. That phonecall in the evening, and that song in the night, those were my Signs. It appeared to remind me again, “You’re not alone.”
What are the Signs you’ve been receiving? Pay attention to it. Everything happens for a reason. Be patient in this time of Unknowing. Lean Into Your Fear. See where it takes you. It’s going to be okay. You’re not alone.
We are all in this together.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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