**This is a REPOST of my blog on 26th December.**
I just got back from a two week Silent Retreat in Chiang Mai, Thailand–the land of the Flying Lanterns.
It has been an epic Spiritual Journey through the inner labyrinth of my being, with many twists and turns that led to the centre of my soul.
I faced my Fear of Fears and the two monsters from the land of Me-Me-Me and Perfectionism. Instead of running away, this time, I said hello and embraced them openly. I saw the sadness and emptiness in their eyes.
All they wanted was Love. All they needed to know, is that despite how unlovable they seem to appear to be, at all times, they are Loved.
All along, the lonely Me-Me-Me “monster” belonged in the land of We.
All along, the Perfectionism “monster” just needed a pair of new eyes, made in love and of love, to see I’m Perfect in the word Imperfect.
And so, I learnt and am learning still, to tame my inner fiery dragon by befriending the beast within. To kiss my inner frog and not to be afraid of my own shadows. All along, we are a bit of darkness, a bit of light.
On the last day of the Silent Retreat, after breakfast, on the way to the laundry to collect my clothes, I stopped at every path where the sun shone, to catch the sunlight. Off the path, I spotted a burst of sun rays gleaming through the trees of the labyrinth. It was a detour, but I headed straight in its direction, breathing in the sun and exhaling to see my breath, like a puff of smoke, evaporating in the chilly cool morning air.
Like a child, I went about catching sunlight with my hair, my skin, my eyes.
Then, all of a sudden, this Question came to me like a poem: Can you catch the sunlight? Can you slice a sky? Can you bottle up a cloud?
It is there, for you, though you have it not in your hands.
So why must you hold Love in your hands to believe you have Love?
This stopped me right in my tracks. I was aware I was being gifted with another Lesson, in Love. And as I pondered it, a smile broke across my face. My Teacher was still with me, loving me with another gift of Truth.
To drive home the lesson, after collecting my pile of clothes, halfway back to my room and stopping to admire the Donggol Bird up on the tree with Jacqui, with the clean clothes still piled all over my left arm…
…I looked down at both my hands and saw that I wasn’t holding my pouch with the alarm clock! I forgot to bring a watch to the retreat. So I borrowed an alarm clock from someone and placed it in the pouch, that was loaned to us by the spirituality centre. I cannot afford to lose them both! Plus, I needed the clock to keep time so I won’t be late for our gatherings!
So I half-ran back to the laundry room to look for it, but it wasn’t there. Raced to the dining hall’s table where I had breakfast, but it wasn’t there. Desperate, I even went looking in the rubbish bin–but it wasn’t there!
My heart sank.
On the way back to my room, it occurred to me that I might have slung it on my left wrist. I looked beneath the piles and piles of clothes, sure enough, my pouch was right there! Hah! Lesson: What I thought was lost, what I went searching for, was always there with me–all along.
If, like me, you’ve been searching high and low for a Love that was lost and came back empty, perhaps it’s time to reconsider that maybe what you thought was lost, is still with you. That what want, is already yours.
We feel the need to hold, touch, and see Love in our hands to believe it’s real, as evidence that we’re loved. Could we begin to See through the Eyes of Faith that at all times, we are Loved?
Love comes in many ways and forms, and it begins by recognising first and foremost that Love is you, is yours, is within–and is with you.
Like the sun, sky and clouds–Love has always been there for you.
The process of waiting for the one, for two to become one, begins with enjoying your relationship with the One. It is how you can feel truly embraced within, with Love, even in moments of silence and solitude.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”- Swedish Proverb
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